


Cheater, Liar

by Maleesha (MalissaNgov)



Category: That '70s Show
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Misunderstandings, SEASON 8 NOT COMPLIANT, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25175440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalissaNgov/pseuds/Maleesha
Summary: Jackie hates cheaters.(or when Jackie is less naive and Hyde was more aware of her situation.)
Relationships: Eric Forman/Donna Pinciotti, Jackie Burkhart/Steven Hyde, Kitty Forman/Red Forman
Comments: 65
Kudos: 179





	1. Chapter 1

Jackie hates cheaters.

Her father was a cheater. She remembers Mother screaming at Father when he came home with a new perfume permeating his suit. His suits would smell of cheap flowers and a burning acidity. Yet, she couldn't stray from his gentle touches reserved for her. His love was a sweet designed as a poison.

Kelso was the same. His eyes would always wander and his hands would stray from where it should be. Jackie thought she could fix his meandering ways if she becomes patient enough. But Kelso isn't a toy. He wasn't broken from the start.

It was hard to admit, but reality forced it down her throat when she witnesses Kelso making out with Pam Macy. Jackie wants to hate cheaters.

But the instinct to throw up and the cold sweat running down her back says otherwise.

She walks briskly back to the cafeteria, her face feeling pale and stiff. She feels her mask slipping.

Endure this feeling. Wait until the bell rings. She hits someone's shoulder roughly and her control starts to slip.

"Woah, Jackie! Watch where you're going!" Steven Hyde. She remembers Kelso introducing him. She remembers his eyes of indifference. She can hear his loud accusations in his eyes, his smirk confirming what he thought of her.

A rich girl who never stumbled into the dirt and struggled in the pain of having nothing.

Jackie knew him too. Burnout bum with deadbeat parents.

They weren't any more different than black and white. She likes shiny things and marriage and he loves band tees and weed. It was easier for both of them to admit that they didn't like each other than to try to see if they had anything in common.

"Get over it!" She turned to walk away, but she was stopped by a pull to her arm. She was met with Steven's blue eyes. He was frowning while looking at her up and down.

"What's wrong? You look ready to hurl." Jackie can feel herself trembling. What is he talking about?

"I'm f-" She choked, hearing Kelso's voice nearing. She quickly turns herself around, so Hyde's back faces Kelso. She clenches the bottom of Hyde's jacket, thinking she can disappear if she just squeezes hard enough.

"Hyde, what you're doing here?" Kelso's steps become louder as he walks towards Hyde. The feeling in her legs become numb. She wasn't ready to face him.

Jackie squeezes her eyes tight, facing imminent judgment.

Then, Hyde laid a hand on her head, wrapping his other arm around her torso. He held her close that she could smell woodsmoke and a little bit of pot. He must've smoked a joint before coming to school.

"Get lost! I'm busy, Kelso!" Almost like he was proving a point, he held me closer to his chest. I blushed at the close proximity, but I stayed still. Kelso and Hyde's voices were mixing and I didn't hear closely, knowing only that they were arguing.

After a few minutes, Hyde let go. I looked behind his back briefly, noticing that Kelso left finally. I sighed in relief and stared at Hyde's chest, not wanting to look at his face right now. Hyde is not stupid so he must've known something is up.

"Thanks." I thanked him sincerely. I'm a bitch, but I'm not someone who can't say thanks. He said nothing and I twitched in anger, itching to scream at his sorry face. I scoffed and proceeded to leave.

"Just break up with him." His hand grasped my arm. He was looking at the other way, hiding his expression. He knew. This was his way of being nice, yeah, it's twisted and a little displaced, but Jackie feels this was the best she was going to get.

"It's none of your business." Hyde squeezed my arm with a warning. He finally turned to look at me. His shades hid his expression and his lips were set in a grim line.

"Well, princess." She scowled at the mocking tone of his voice. "I'll say this nicely, Kelso is a tool and he's not going to change just because a girl like you came along. I've seen him rip off a lot of girls, but I can see you're different than them. They knew what they were getting into and they didn't like him enough for it to hurt."

She flinched at his glare. Jackie shook off his hand roughly, feeling her eyes getting watery. "What do you expect me to do, huh?!"

He sighed, putting his hands in his jeans. "He's gonna hurt you. He's my friend, but he's an asshole."

Jackie scoffed, crossing my arms. "And you're not?"

"I'm an ass, but I'm not an asshole. Big difference." She rolled her eyes, not knowing if she should believe him. They weren't close, they both knew that. She barely knows Hyde and Hyde barely knows her. Yet, the reality was that he was going through the trouble of explaining the reasons why Kelso is a horrible boyfriend to a girl he hates. She sniffled, feeling her tears betraying her.

"I liked him a lot. We were supposed to go to junior prom together." Hyde hated that Jackie is crying. She was always good at crying like you were the one at fault here. Hyde felt like someone punched him in the fucking heart and she's not even his girl! He now kinda understands why Kelso is easy to apologize to this superficial girl. He scratched his head in frustration and he didn't like what it went to.

"I'll go with you instead." She stopped crying instantly. Jackie looked up at him in shock. He looks really uncomfortable and it made her smile. It was painfully obvious that he didn't want to go.

"Really?" He just nodded, not even trying to hide his scowl. She had to remind herself that Hyde didn't like her at all.

Yet, he was trying to make up for a mistake he didn't commit. Steven was a nice person. She knew he would deny it. Yet, Jackie wanted to get to know him more. She regrets a little that they didn't try to get past the hostility they shared before.

Not like she would admit that, though.

\---------------  
Damn.

Hyde was stretching out the collar of the shirt Jackie gave him. It was suffocating and stiff and too tight and just plain comfortable. What the hell was he thinking?

He retraced his steps a few hours ago and he rolled his eyes at how easy he just broke. Jackie let out a few tears and then, what-- declare to go with her to prom?! It was hilarious when she chewed Kelso's ear out for cheating and not going to prom with him.

He sighed, kicking the pebbles at his feet out of boredom. Here he stands, wearing a suit that matches her dress, she said, and a corsage in his hands. Hyde can't believe that he bought a corsage. He was already going with her to this damn dance and that should be enough for her.

Yet, he imagined her smiling face and before he knew it, the money was spent and the corsage was in his hands. He heard an engine and sees Jackie coming in the driveway with the Lincoln. She came out and she looked beautiful with her purple dress and elaborate updo.

"Hyde!" Jackie couldn't believe it. Hyde looks so handsome in his suit! She eyed the box tucked under his armpit and hid a smile. Did he get me something too? She smoothed down her dress and fixed her hair, conscious of her appearance. 

Does Hyde think she looks beautiful too?

"You look beautiful." Jackie looked up quickly, thinking for a moment that maybe he read her mind. Yet, his eyes remained glued to her figure and she realized that Hyde just paid her a genuine compliment.

Jackie grinned and adjusted Hyde's suit. Hyde's heart warmed at her hands patting his shoulders and pulling at the lapels. It felt nice to be taken care of and understood if this is why Kelso stayed with her. "You look so handsome."

She looked at the box pointedly and tapped it lightly. "Is this for me?"

Hyde stiffened at the question but he wasn't surprised. Anyone would notice the large box under his armpit eventually, so he just stuck it out for her. Her eyes widened and shined brightly. She took the box gingerly and stared in appreciation at the present.

"It's a corsage, just thought I should do this much at least." Hyde opened the box and took out the corsage. Jackie held her wrist out and he placed it on her without a second thought.

It was beautiful, Jackie thought. She eyed Hyde who gave a comforting smile at her and choked back her tears. She thought Hyde was reluctantly coming to prom, so she would leave him alone. But maybe, he thought she was someone who was worth enough to care about.

She hoped that maybe he would care about her from now on as well.

Hyde walked in the poorly decorated gym with disinterest. He eyed Jackie leaning against his side, her arm linked with his. In the car, they were arguing about what is the point of a prom. He confirmed that Jackie is a romantic among many other things he knew.

_"A prom is a money-wasting event, romanticizing teen romance but we all know it's just a cult of forced pairings." Jackie gasped in the passenger seat, her arms crossed in disbelief._

_"Prom is romantic, Steven!" Hyde brushed over the fact of her calling him by his first name. He's driving and he doesn't need anything to distract him._

_"We're not in love, Jackie." Hyde felt triumphant about proving his point since she stayed quiet._

_"Okay, we might be not." Jackie pouts at his pessimistic outlook, but she couldn't blame him. Maybe Hyde didn't have someone who likes him as much as she likes Kelso._

_"But I bet there's someone out there who will love you." Hyde hummed in response, his mind filling in the blanks with answers he didn't like. Hyde said nothing to Jackie because he refused to believe it._

"This prom stinks." Jackie scoffed, hitting her hand against his. She knew Hyde didn't like this type of crap, but she did. It was romantic and intimate and nice to declare that you have someone to go with. Sure, it wasn't with Kelso so it didn't apply to her, but for others, she bet it was. Like for Donna and Eric.

"Don't be such a bore!" Hyde rolled his eyes at her. Jackie, in turn, stuck out her tongue at him and it only served to make her look less intimidating.

The music was loud and everyone was talking. The banter still continued.

This is only to hear her better, Hyde reasons when they started talking in each other's ears like they were sharing secrets. Her breath close to his, his hand gently cradling her back. He wasn't reveling in the warmth of her body temperature and smelling her sweet perfume like it was a drug. Jackie was just talking to him. It wasn't romantic. It wasn't natural. He didn't want to like it.

On the other hand, Jackie was battling her own fights at the moment. She tried not to question why they have to be so close when talking to each other. It was not like the music was that loud or that there were crowded in the gym. Yet, she would stand a little higher to reach his head and he would lower himself down slightly to let her mouth be close to his ears. She didn't try to think why she let him trail his hand down her back to her waist nor wonder why she would cling to his arm with this conviction that he wouldn't shake her away.

"Do you wanna dance?" Jackie giggles and just puts her hand inside Hyde's outstretched ones.

"I didn't think you would ask." She easily leaned in Steven's chest, putting one arm around his neck and the other still connected to his outstretched hand. Jackie came to realize that she likes Hyde's hugs. It was warm and smothering and it felt unconditional, like she didn't need to prove him anything.

_We're not in love, Jackie._

Jackie's softened eyes met Kelso's shocked ones at that moment. He was dancing with Pam Macy, his grip loosening. Michael. Her ex-boyfriend. Her first everything.

What is she doing? How can she forget? Steven is Michael's best friend. Jackie looked at Steven who was staring in concern. I am just the ex of one of his best friends, Jackie thinks solemnly.

 _We're not in love._

Hyde's voice echoes in her mind. Jackie stares at Kelso instead, not wanting Steven to see her trying not to cry. Hyde doesn't love her in that way. It wouldn't be fair to break their newfound relationship because her heart is wavering over something that wasn't going to happen.

Jackie doesn't want to lose Steven. She just got him, after all.

\--------

Hyde's mood became stale when Kelso joined them on the dance floor with Pam Macy. He can finally talk to Jackie without it making him sick. Sure, they disagree on some things, but it would be boring if anything. He likes their differences.

Jackie's eyes were unfocused, staring at Kelso's direction. Hyde just wanted to block her view and talk to her for a moment longer about why prom sucks. Kelso is an idiot, letting her go for a cheap romp with Pam.

 _Kelso is your friend, man. Don't let a chick make you forget that._

Hyde can hear his selfish voice making their point. Usually, he would follow it. He grimaced at himself because now, he didn't like his own damn advice.

Jackie is a fucking square and Kelso was stupid enough to mess with someone like that. Hyde knew she cares and she loves Kelso. Kelso likes Jackie too. But, that idiot wasn't going to change and he thought it was for the best if they broke up now. Jackie is hot, so she can find someone else.

"I stand by my advice." Jackie leaned against his shoulder while facing him. She hummed softly.

"I know." She said nothing and it irked him. It was unlike Jackie's snarkiness. "Hyde, I hate cheaters."

_There's someone out there--_

"Oh yeah?" He loosens his grip slightly from her hip. Jackie loves Kelso. He can deduce that from her crying and longing glances at Kelso when he's not looking.

_who will--_

"But I like Kelso." He gently pushes her away, making her pick her head up from his neck questioningly. Don't be an asshole, Hyde. Jackie wants to be with Kelso, not you. Because if her confession indicates anything for Hyde, it was a sign that she won't be interested in him who wants to kiss her in front of the one she loves.

"I get it, Jackie." Hyde smiles, glad it felt convincing on his face. Jackie gave a watery smile and kisses his cheek gratefully.

Jackie doesn't like cheaters.

Hyde's not going to make her one too.

_love you._

His chest aches.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are flashback scenes, so they will be indicated in italics.
> 
> Enjoy reading!

Hyde was lounging alone in the basement, watching the daily episode of The Price is Right. it was late afternoon on a Thursday, after school. Donna and Eric were on their date, most likely getting lunch at the Hub while Fez and Kelso are somewhere, doing God knows what. He didn't care. The most important thing was that Hyde gets the basement to himself for one day every week.

The door was unlocked.

He sits on the couch instead of his usual chair.

"Steven!" The door is swung open and the place next to him was filled in with the smell of strawberry shampoo and flowery perfume.

Jackie got back together with Kelso. He understood that Jackie and Kelso made sense, even though Kelso was a chronic serial cheater and Jackie was shallow. But, Kelso and Jackie's lives were similar in that way that the world expected this from them. Jackie's parents were high-class people and Kelso was in a family of business.

Not like Hyde's. He was too poor, too beaten down, and too hard on himself. No one would understand why they would choose to hang out together.

He learned that the hard way.

After the prom, Kelso begged Jackie for forgiveness and she accepted it. It should've made everything back to normal. Yet, the deed was already done. Jackie and Hyde went to the prom together and even if they didn't want to admit it that easily, they both liked the company.

It would start with little things. Hyde would open the door for Jackie. Jackie would offer him an otter pop. No one notices.

Then, it escalated to bigger actions, both justifying that it wasn't weird even though they liked it when one paid special attention to the other. Hyde held his arms out more often when he notices Jackie was sad about something.

(It wasn't like he was happy that she only reached out to him)

Jackie kisses his cheek gratefully when he does something nice.

(It wasn't like Jackie felt bubbly when Steven would give a little smile and his hands would stay still at her back for a second.)

His friends made a fuss, thinking that Hyde was messing with Jackie. Eric even thought that maybe Hyde was trying to get with her. So in front of them, Jackie stopped going to Hyde and he stayed away too.

"I can't believe that Kelso glued himself to the pole again! It was so embarrassing!" She scoffed, rubbing her face into his shoulder.

"What did you do?" Hyde patted her head comfortingly. He couldn't stop keeping the devilish grin out of his face. What can you do when Kelso did something stupid? It always can keep a smile on your face. 

"What do you think? I pretended I didn't know him and left him at the pole." Jackie can hear Hyde laughing hysterically and stifled a chuckle of her own. God, boys are such idiots, she thinks. They laugh at each other's pranks and become secretive perverts in their own time.

(Not like she likes to hear him laugh.)

"That's my doll." Jackie sadly smiled in his shoulder, mixed feelings bubbling up to the surface. His little nickname for her was endearing and it always made her feel special. It came up in one of their conversations, taking her by surprise, then glee. Steven tried to argue his way out of it, saying he was tired, her name was too long, but Jackie didn't care. Jackie loves her nickname.

(But I'm not his.)

\------------------------

Hyde and Jackie learned it was pretty common that they would be alone. Eric and Donna would be in their little world, sidestepping in this new territory of dating. Kelso is more distracted than you would think and now that Fez was in the picture, Kelso now had a guy who didn't complain or flat out rejects all of his ideas. Back then, Jackie would just follow Kelso everywhere and Hyde would stay behind, choosing to stay in the basement.

But this time, it was different. Jackie chooses to stay behind. Hyde chooses not to leave.

_"Why are you here, Jackie?" Hyde finally said once everyone was gone. It's been a few days since they stopped talking to each other altogether. Hyde realized that he was going easy on Jackie when Donna pointed it out and Kelso yelled at Jackie to stop looking at other guys. Prom really tripped him up and he soon learns that he likes the Jackie that was nice to him._

_Jackie knows he loves otter pops and peanut butter cookies._

_Jackie knows he cares about Mrs. Foreman._

_Jackie knows he won't get mad if she steals his sunglasses or plays ABBA on the radio._

_It was getting easy to lose in Jackie's endless chattering about little things. Still, he doesn't go over the line. He failed with Donna, hoping that maybe he got a chance as they were friends the same amount of time as Foreman._

_But, he failed. Foreman got the girl and he wasn't mad enough to lose their brotherhood over a girl they knew when they were children. And they all stayed friends._

_"The basement doesn't belong to you, Steven!" Jackie yelled, scowling at him. Steven. That's the first time she said his first name since their agreed sabbatical. He ignored the surge of pride that came when he heard it._

_But Jackie is different. She's new, entering the basement as Kelso's girlfriend. She was loud and abrasive when she first came in. She was everything he wasn't and it pissed him to no end. Jackie was someone else's when they first met and even when she and Kelso broke up, there was that unspoken assumption that they still belonged to each other._

_Kelso could never break up with Jackie on his own. He said he would break up with her constantly and backed out when the time calls for it. He didn't know if it was love or possession or just taking her for granted._

_(Kelso could never end it with her, but sometimes he wishes he did.)_

_"I thought we weren't speaking to each other." He hated that he sounded bitter. It sounds like he was hurt that Jackie decided to pass over their relationship just like that because his friends said it was weird. He wanted them to mind their own business._

_(He didn't.)_

_"Your friends said that that, not me." She said while looking at me. Her eyebrow was scrunched together, daring him to refute her. She was at the edge of the couch, closest to his usual chair. He hates how he likes how close she was to him._

_"I'm not going to stop talking to you, Steven." Damn it. They were trying to align back to their usual places in their circle and it was almost working. Jackie as Kelso's girlfriend. Hyde as Kelso's annoying poor friend._

_Hyde can choose to leave right now. He can tell her to leave him alone and go to Kelso, the one she should be hanging out right now._

_He didn't. He moved and sat next to her instead._

\------------------------

"What do you want to do now?" They finished watching the Price is Right not before criticizing every contestant and Hyde's complaint that the game is rigged. They were sitting close to each other, keeping the fact that it was comfortable for both of them to themselves. Jackie and Hyde's knees were close enough to touch, but not linger.

They didn't stop being themselves. Hyde still hates the government and is still skeptical of establishments. Jackie would still dish over the latest Vogue and bitch over the latest gossip. It wasn't that it stopped being annoying and they liked each other's interests all of a sudden.

It was just that it wasn't worth the effort to hate each other over it. Jackie understood that Steven was a cynic and if he needed to justify his every action with a wide-blown conspiracy, then it was fine to her. He would get prickly and thinks she's not worth it to tell, but she will insist. Hyde would give up convincing her and Jackie will lose herself in his monologue. That was okay because his real reason is imbedded in his exaggerated explanations. It was worth the time to listen to him and determine the truth from the false from his words.

Hyde knew Jackie was hard on others because she just had higher expectations for them and it wasn't her fault if they weren't. Her words can hurt, but it was reminiscent of just how the world is. The world is cruel and not always rose-like, but when Jackie was bitchy, Hyde knew she was just taking her own time to come to terms with it. And he was fine in dealing with her abrasiveness so she can learn that people will do bad things without batting an eye and it would hurt.

They kept hanging out in secret. They would watch tv, read their respective books, help Mrs. Foreman with the dishes, fix the old car with Red (yes, Jackie was more than a princess and Hyde would keep reminding her of this fact.) Weirdly, Red and Kitty never said anything about them, never assumed that they were together. They remembered that Jackie was Kelso's girlfriend (mostly Kitty) and they never asked questions.

It was an uncomfortable reminder of who they should be, but they were relieved that at least someone didn't think they were weird for being together. They needed that reassertion that it was okay that they could be friends, that they can care about each other.

"Anything you want!" Jackie realized something wasn't that boring as long as you weren't alone. Maybe, it was her personality or some fear she had, but Hyde noticed it too, so he pretends that he's only staying because she's forcing him. In turn, Jackie pretends she doesn't know.

Many reasons for ending their friendly relationship right now accumulated every time they hang out. Jackie ignores them. Hyde pushes it away.

Now that they saw something deeper behind their masks, they refused to fall apart.

\------------------

_Jackie froze when Kelso told her to stop looking at other guys. Not because she believed that she was her own person and she can do whatever the hell she wants (which she is, by the way)._

_No, it was the fact that she got caught being nice to Steven. She was trying to hide it, she swear. But, then it got harder to hide. She likes knowing what his favorite food was. She likes making him laugh when she would burn Eric or Donna._

_But she is Kelso's girlfriend. She loves him, she knows. She was happy when Kelso askes her to take him back and she still gets the butterflies when they make out._

_She only has Kelso, she thinks. Donna, Fez, and Eric were not her friends; they were Michael's. She knew they wouldn't care if she broke up with Michael and left without looking back. Hell, Eric would celebrate, I bet. Sure, Donna might be her friend, but when push comes to shove, Jackie knew she would choose Kelso, her long-time friend over his girlfriend of a few months. They didn't need a superficial, shallow girl whose use was that she had money to occasionally pay for their things._

_Steven was even more so not hers. Before prom, she was certain he would abandon her if he had the chance and she wouldn't blame him. He was good at setting boundaries. He was blunt in telling you if you weren't his trouble to deal with and in that unexpected way she only gets with Steven, it was nice to know where she stands._

_Then, the ground underneath shook and she stumbled into something she wasn't prepared for. She was confused when his glare was less harsh and his eyes would soften when she said something funny._

_The lines were blurring, so she avoided him. Steven didn't stop her and in that way, she thought that maybe she was wrong._

_The distance became unbearable. Steven wouldn't look at her and her heart would ache. She reminded herself that she did this, she avoided him and it was not his place to stop her._

_(She still hopes anyway.)_

_She felt her flight response activating, but her dread causes her stone feet to remain. She gave Kelso a quick smile and told him she wanted to stay in the basement. Then, she screamed at him to leave her alone when he didn't listen._

_Jackie's excuses were milling around in her head._

_One time. One chance. If he won't take it, then that's fine and she can go back to being loud and nosy and not caring about Steven at all. (She doesn't know if she can go back to that Jackie.)_

_Yet, he sat. He stayed and for some unknown reason, she thanked the world for giving her another chance._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Thanks for all the kudos and comments you've given!!!
> 
> This chapter is not set in any episode, but it's something I wanted to write because I wanted to give Jackie and Hyde more characterization. I know it looks like they're in love with each other already, so you're thinking "Be together already!" but I have a reason for writing them this way. (or maybe I'm a sadist lol :P) The feelings in the chapter were not that they like each other, but they felt it was wrong that they can even be friendly with each other. 
> 
> I hope you like this chapter as well!


	3. Chapter 3

Hyde was surprised, his back against the wall, and his shirt was bunched up in the front, pulled angrily by hands you think would break if you tried.

"Jackie!?" He flinched at her angry scowl and glanced around to make sure no one was here. This was the riskiest they have been, always making sure they were out of sight and natural in maintaining each other's alibis. They were careful and meticulous in keeping their secret.

Yet, when no one was looking, Jackie pulled him in the kitchen, hellfire blazing in her path. Hyde was confused, wondering what he did in the amount of time after yesterday.

"How come I had to learn about your mom skipping town from Kelso?!" Hyde's arms were hanging loosely before his hands settled over her clenched fists, indicating her to let go. Jackie reluctantly conceded and both separated with two feet between them.

Hyde's face was solemn and he put his hands upon his face, silently groaning into them. To be honest, he did think of telling her when it happened. He remembers how furious she was when she learns that Edna ran away with a trucker and still hasn't come back yet.

Hyde didn't want to receive help from her and she was eager to give it. He was fine when she would come to visit his empty house with fast food from the Hub and he was okay when she would leave blankets or candles behind, knowing that heat and electricity were cut off. She said it was because they stay too much in the basement and a change in scenery is nice.

He knew better.

Hyde can see the disgust when she gingerly leaned against the dirty furniture or screamed when she thought she saw a mouse. He can never get mad at her for that. He knew his house was a dump and the first time she attempted to see him, he refused to let her in because it was embarrassing.

He didn't need another reminder of their differences. He was reminded every day when Jackie would sit in Kelso's lap and that was fine because this was Jackie's choice and he would never go against it. He is Jackie's friend and despite him hating that Kelso had to be her first, he was glad that Kelso brought her into their lives.

Jackie let herself in anyway. Of course, she had to push Hyde away, not caring that he was on the floor and scolded him for being stupid enough to refuse her. She is Jackie fucking Buckhart and if she told you to let her in, you open the damn door and follow her every word.

Hyde let her in every time after that.

"Look, I was going to tell ya, but I forgot. I was busy taking care of your ass and you know it." Hyde was telling the truth. He went to Jackie's house with the initial intentions to tell her the news (and maybe make sure she was okay).

\-----------------------------

_"Jackie?" He knocked on her bedroom door. Hyde doesn't know why his damn self walked to the Buckhart mansion and had to make awkward conversation with the maid before she finally pointed him to her room._

_He felt like he was walking unsteadily the whole time. His mother abandoned him for a trucker. The call made him feel like he was dunked in a tub full of ice-water. He knew Edna wasn't the best mother, but he thought she would at least stay. Yet, she left and never looked back, like he wasn't even worth it._

_(Was he worth it to Jackie?)_

_He can feel Foreman was worried and since he saw him throwing the phone at the floor, his friend connected the dots for himself. He didn't want his help, hell he didn't like Jackie's help, so he told him he was fine._

_(He wasn't fine.)_

_Eric's eyes didn't believe him, but he left when Hyde asked him. He was left alone in a dirty house, with no electricity and water. His feet felt like lead, rooting him to a home where no one would come back to. Was he needed in this town? Jackie's smiling face flashed in his mind._

_He wants to see Jackie._

_Before he knew it, he was at the Buckhart mansion, with nothing to his name but the sudden desire to see the girlfriend of one of his closest friends._

_He heard nothing. Immediately feeling something was wrong, he opened the door and sure enough, Jackie was crying her eyes out in the covers. She covered her face, turning around and waving her arms away in panic._

_"Don't look at me! I'm hideous!" Jackie wailed uncontrollably. Hyde ignored her, rolling his eyes at her overdramatic theatrics. He walked to her bedside and forced her to turn around, so he can look at her more closely. Noticing a teddy bear at her bedside, he deduced that Kelso visited her earlier and said a few words too many. She was still covering her face with her hands._

_"Jackie, stop it. Let me look at your face." She sniffled, hesitantly dropping her face. Her face was red and her nose was rubbed raw. Her eyes were red shot. She was bare with no make-up._

_She looked sick, but she looks like Jackie. (Kelso is a fucking tool.) Taking the box of tissues from her counter, Hyde held a tissue to her face and told her to blow. She meekly followed my instructions and looked at her hands, pulling at them nervously._

_"Don't I disgust you, Steven?" He chuckled at the hilarity of the situation and she glared at me heatedly. Pushing her sweaty strands of hair from her face, Hyde kissed the crown of her head and grinned at Jackie._

_"Only just the usual, doll." Jackie gasped, hitting him with the teddy bear. Hyde maniacally laughed at her pout and she was cursing at him for teasing her. The feelings of hopelessness lessened a little bit and he was surprised at how much Jackie affected him._

_He was abandoned, but he was still laughing._

_His eyes settled on Jackie who was berating him for being mean and rude and how she should kick him out of the house right now. Her eyes were less red and more bright, now that he pulled that stunt earlier._

_He looked at the teddy bear she was holding with some resentment. It wasn't Kelso's fault, really. He knew it was just him feeling like he wasn't enough and the doubt that Jackie wasn't interested._

_So, he repeats the mantra in his head. Jackie is not like that. Jackie is a friend._

_Jackie may not need him, he thinks._

_But he was sure he did._

\----------------------------------

Jackie got red, heated because he was right. He was with her, staying by her side until she fell asleep.

_Jackie was sleeping peacefully, wistfully remembering Hyde whispering her goodbye before leaving. Then, she wakes up to Kelso knocking on her door, apologizing to her over his insensitive display of disgust over her appearance._

_She had half of a mind to say it was over. While she hangs out with Steven, she realizes some things she knew she would never learn on her own, much less with Michael. He was trying to comfort her, she knows._

_But she doesn't need his half-baked words. Michael was talking to a Jackie he knew before he cheated with Pam Macy._

_That Jackie was shallow (She still is, but she's working on it.) and wanting to bet on all her cards on someone who would look good beside her._

_She should've known beauty had a price._

_That Jackie wanted to believe that chivalry is not dead. She wanted to believe that she can still get that picturesque happiness her parents wanted but did not get. Now, Mom would drink and flirt with the pool boy. Father would buy her jewelry because he thought it was better than caring. She wanted to believe the lifestyle she was raised in was right and correct, but now she knew better. (Red and Kitty make sure to teach her that.)_

_That Jackie does not exist. The new Jackie learned of a love that was real, but not perfect. It was when you care, but not expect anything back. (Father.) It was when you chose to not escape and work out your problems with each other. (Mother.)_

_Physical beauty is forever, she hears. Then, she realizes Kelso is the same as her parents. Her parents loved beauty above all else. Pam Buckhart was a vain woman who got by with her looks. Jack Buckhart believed keeping appearances was how you are successful._

_Steven never believed that. Maybe that's why he's happier than Jackie despite hating everything. He had friends that truly do care about him. His family is basically the Foremans, despite him denying it._

_Steven told her beauty wasn't everything. And she believes it bit by bit as time goes on. He knows that Jackie won't get it right away. It's all she got because if you subtract that, she knows she has nothing. Thus, Steven would remind her until she understands, even if it will take his whole life._

_That was the burden he graciously accepted._

_I'm going to break up with him, Jackie thinks. Then, Steven's face appeared in the back of her mind. A cold sweat washed over her._

_If she breaks up with Michael, would Steven still stay with her? Fear crept in her body, chilling her blood to the bone._

_No, it would be too much to lose. If Jackie takes Steven selfishly for her own, then he will lose his old friends, his surrogate family, everything. Jackie couldn't do that to him._

_He wouldn't leave them. She wasn't his brother by bond rather than blood(Eric.) or even a girl he has a crush on since he was ten. (Donna.) She was a girl who he took under his wing because she was pitiful and has no common sense._

_Jackie stopped her mouth._

_"Awww, Michael" She dragged her voice out with emphasis so Michael knows he was forgiven. Michael let out a sigh of relief, happy that they weren't going to break up once again._

_What she was doing was selfish and cruel and she knew it. She was staying with someone for the sake of someone else._

_But she was also weak._

_Jackie knew she didn't deserve Steven, but she couldn't let go._

_She plans to hold on until she couldn't anymore._

\---------------------------------------

"I wanted you to tell me!" She poked him in the chest, hoping it was hurting him more than she thinks.

"Don't get yourself in a twist. I got it figured out, didn't I?" He scratched the back of his head with a sheepish grin. Jackie glared at him before kicking him in the shins. Hyde went down with a hiss before righting himself up again.

He playfully glared at her with the most intensity he can give Jackie. She refused to look at him, pouting and crossing her arms in annoyance.

"You're fine, then?" Hyde chuckled softly at her small voice, concern coming through in her tone. He opens his arms for a hug. Jackie went in it immediately before huffing frustratingly. Hyde listened to her endless complaints without a word, nodding every so often, so she knows he's listening.

Hyde knows Jackie wasn't really mad at him. She was just worried and nervous and relieved that he got a place to come to. She knew he couldn't live off of their little trips to the grocery store and her visiting his place to make sure he was still alive.

Hyde is grateful that he has Foreman to watch his back.

He was glad that Red and Kitty took him in when they didn't need to.

"I'm okay." Jackie will always worry about Hyde. His reply really did nothing to deter her from being worried. Yet, she accepts it because every word he says to put her at ease meant that he was trying. It was all she asked for and he was fine with complying with her demands. 

He truly does believe he was fine. Jackie would do whatever it takes to remind him he was needed, appreciated, even loved. He felt it was only right to make her feel that he did believe it whenever she was around. She was his morphine in the making, administered slowly so he can feel the effects.

It was addicting. 

Laughter can be heard from the basement, indicating time to return back. He breathed in her hair one last time, smelling like honeysuckle and the sun.

(He doesn't want to let go.)

(She doesn't want to let go.)

They both released their grips, ready to return back to their normal lives.

(Normal has never been this painful before.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haiiiii Lovelies, 
> 
> So, my chapters would be less canon as we keep going as I have a plan set in my head. Thank you guys for your kind words and encouragement! This chapter was set when Hyde moves in with the Foremans. 
> 
> Get ready to read more mutual pining! (I'm a sucker for emotional turmoils.) 
> 
> I know the updates are coming out fast, but they will slow down eventually. So, I hope when you don't see an update for some time, you will wait patiently for the next update. I have summer classes and work, so go easy on me lol I try my best!


	4. Chapter 4

"Oh seriously-- what--AHH--Steven!!" He rolled his eyes at Jackie, who's attempting to go through his new room. Yeah, he didn't get around in cleaning out all of the stuff and organizing all the crap, so it's a little messy. He was lying down on his cot, just relishing in the privacy of his new room.

"Jackie, what is it this time?" She perked up at my voice and went straight to me, knocking the wind out of my chest. She shakily pointed at the shadow on the floor repeatedly with a finger.

"I saw a rat." She was squeezing my chest for dear life and she wasn't letting go. I sighed, sitting up from my cot, taking Jackie with me. I patted her back for comfort while I squinted to see what she was pointing at.

"It's a dust bunny." Jackie stirred and glanced at the spot near the dirty dresser. She relaxed, realizing Steven was right. She heard that Steven got a new room, so she raced down the basement so that she would see it. They would finally have some privacy besides having to go to his deadbeat mom's house or her empty mansion.

She liked the basement, but there were few occasions for them to be alone. She didn't want to be at his house because well, it was gross and ratty. Her house was not even a choice because she didn't want him to notice how empty it was. 

She hated bringing in anyone to her house because it was huge, but not warm. It screamed luxury, but no one was home except the maid. The Foremans' house was one of those places where it wasn't truly empty because you can always smell something in the oven or you can hear the rustling of papers when Red was reading the evening paper.

Jackie hated being in her house, so she would always leave, whether it was to the basement or the Hub or even Hyde's old, rickety house. Steven noticed her avoiding her home like it was the plague, so he always offered to go somewhere else. She even convinced him to the roller skating rink one time.

(Yeah, she had to cry and let him see her bra strap, but it worked.)

"Jackie, is this an invitation?" Steven smirked at Jackie when she made no move to get off him. She blushed, realizing she was basically in his lap, her hands on his chest. His hands were on her waist and he was playfully leaning towards her.

(If she leaned in, would he take it with open arms?)

She pushed herself off quickly.

"Ugh, get over yourself, Steven!" She huffed, straightening her hair and adjusting her dress. Hyde chuckled humorously before laying down back into his cot, his legs dangling at the side. Jackie followed in suit, laying down next to him.

Jackie and Hyde listened to the sounds in his new room, rustling and whirring, coming from the pipes above. It wasn't awkward for them to share silence as right now, they both are sharing loud thoughts at the moment.

Jackie was feeling the guilt of being in a relationship she didn't care for. It took some time to admit to herself that she liked Steven. It wasn't that she thought he was too scruffy or poor, but she was in love with someone she has no chances with. Steven would be able to wipe her tears away and keep her secrets for her until both of them ceases to exist.

Steven didn't want to love anyone. She knew it was hard for him. His father ran, not ready for the responsibilities of being a father. His mother was never ready for being a mom and never did even after she left him. No one was ready to take care of Steven and it made him jaded and harsh and sometimes even scary.

Jackie gets it.

He knew he had nightmares he can only tell her. He dreams of Eric hating him, Donna looking at him with despise, the Foremans finally deciding to kick him out. Jackie wipes his cold sweat away with her handkerchief and whispers him sweet encouragements until he feels better. When she caught him with those dreams, it ended with him grasping her body tightly, almost desperately like he wasn't sure what was real. He says it was just the normal abandonment issues, where he dreams Edna would leave.

Then, it happened and the dreams got worse. He said it was just a defense mechanism for people like him, so he would get reminded that things change and he should just appreciate what he has right now.

Jackie nodded at his explanation, but she didn't believe him. Steven didn't deserve this. He deserved unicorns and clouds and knowing that what he got was because he was a good person.

Steven will always be there to punch Eric's bullies.

Steven will make sure to keep Kelso out of serious trouble.

Steven will always try to make Donna feel better when she feels down.

Still, there was little that she can do about his troubles. She has never felt so helpless in helping someone she so desperately wants to lend aid to. All she can do is hug him when he needs it and give him scented candles, so he can sleep more peacefully. She can't take his dreams away, but she can reassure him that he deserves everything in this world.

Steven thinks he can't love anyone because he was so sure they would leave. Jackie understood it was hard for someone to keep expecting for something that no one has given before.

Still, Jackie loves him.

She loves that he doesn't ask for sex or money because he doesn't want to force anything on anyone.

(It never stops her from trying to take care of him.)

She loves that he hates seeing her cry, so he would do the dumbest things to make her happy.

(She would do the same thing over and over until he gets sick of it.)

She loves that he doesn't really hate how bossy or unreasonable she is.

She loves him deeply.

So, it would be too selfish to ask Steven to love her as well. 

\-------------------------------------

Hyde listened to Jackie's small exhales, feeling the tiny vibrations on his back while lying on the cot. He wonders what it would be like if he can reach for her anytime, knowing it was okay that he can touch her, kiss her, or even hold her hand.

He doesn't try.

He knows that Jackie is caring and loving and forgiving, so she will forgive Kelso no matter what. She will smile and believe all of his promises that he will do better, that he will change. Then, Michael will break her heart all over again and she would cry, wondering what she did wrong. The cycle will repeat over and over. 

He will never make Jackie go through that experience again.

The ruthless and cruel Hyde would leave her alone and let Jackie and Kelso deal with it themselves. He would laugh at Kelso's stupidity and be indifferent to Jackie's pain. Hyde would think it serves her right to get cheated on and played with by Kelso.

That Hyde didn't know Jackie's secrets. That person didn't know that Jackie went to an empty house who never asked how her day went or knew what she was doing. He didn't know she had jewelry boxes and closets full of clothes because she wanted something to fill the void her parents made. Jackie had to face her parents cheating on each other so blatantly she was running out of excuses to tell her friends that it was a phase.

Jackie doesn't need anyone to lie to her anymore. She, of all things, knew the pain that comes with cheating. Cheating is for people who didn't have the courage to tell someone it's over, to leave, and move on.

_"When you cheat, you are stating to the person that it's not worth it to say to them that you don't love them anymore," Jackie said one time._

_Hyde and Jackie were looking at the night sky, lying together on the hood of her Lincoln. Unwrapped silver foil was littered on the grass and a cup of pop was placed between them. Earlier, Hyde walked to the Buckhart mansion, ready for their impromptu picnic. (She called him with an excited voice, most likely inspired by her many romance novels.)_

_Yet, she was already waiting for him, honking at him to get in the Lincoln. He was confused but went into the passenger seat quietly. She was fuming silently throughout the whole ride, passing through the Hub to get food, and finally killing the engine once they were at Mt. Hump. Hyde said nothing through the whole ride, unsure if she's mad at him or someone else._

_They sat in the car, no words between them. Hyde noticed her hand still at the stick shift, trembling, and at that moment, asking for an explanation didn't matter anymore._

_(He will kill anyone who dares hurt her.)_

_He reached across and gently placed his hand on hers, wondering if she will avoid it. She didn't. She stared straight ahead through the car window, the light in her eyes burned out. He waited, looking at the view before him as well. Hyde knew sometimes people needed to wait their feelings out._

_Sometimes, your body won't react to your feelings in time. Things can be shocking and sometimes, you don't believe them for a while. It was like that when he realized Edna wasn't going to come back. Hyde can feel her fingers moving and slowly, their hands were intertwined, Hyde's thumb scratching the back of her hand._

_Soon enough, Jackie breaks down._

_Hyde takes her into his arms, rubbing slow circles in her back. She blubbers through apologies and feelings and fears. Her mask tumbles down and her secrets bleed through his chest. He closes his eyes and takes them all._

_"I know my parents don't love each other anymore," Hyde grunts quietly and drains the last of the pop. Jackie picks off the lint from her shirt and throws it away. She sits up, his jean jacket on her shoulders. Her shoulders look sunken as if she were bearing a burden that was too heavy at times._

_"It's painful to pretend they do." Jackie's smile was heartbreaking, yet free. Sometimes, Hyde wonders what if Jackie was really a doll. Her porcelain skin and dark hair pull her off as something that should be displayed from a pedestal, far from reach from someone like Hyde. However, when you're on something high, then you're bound to fall and once you'll fall, you'll break._

_Maybe Jackie is breaking. All Hyde hopes to do is make sure he catches her._

_"Assholes." Jackie laughed, hearing Steven's muttering under his breath. She takes his hand more readily, leading him to the driver's seat._

_"Thank you for being here, Steven." Hyde avoided her grateful eyes, feeling embarrassed about what he let her do and what he wanted to do._

_"Whatever." Jackie laughed, her eyes smiling at the corners. Hyde remembers when his zen irritates her, saying that he is stupid for trying to hide emotions. Now, she laughs and doesn't question his embarrassment._

_Even if they are not sure of their relationship, it doesn't make it any less precious._

_He brings her home. She gives him back his jacket. He walks home._

_He brings the neckline to his nose, smelling flowers and burnt honey._

He wasn't as forgiving as Jackie. He wanted Kelso to feel the consequences of the actions, knowing that he lost the best person he had. He wants all his friends to know how amazing Jackie was, but at the same time, he wishes they would stay ignorant of her wonders because then, she would stay his for a bit longer.

He will prevent Jackie from getting hurt anymore. He did his best to stop Kelso from straying because Jackie only deserves the damn best.

Kelso and Laurie should just burn in hell. (He is a hypocrite, thinking that he's any better.)

He needs to tell Jackie.

_I hate cheaters._

Jackie deserves to know and leave this painful incident behind forever.

_I hate cheaters._

The image of Jackie crying seals his throat and for a moment, he couldn't breathe.

_But I still like Michael._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This chapter was when Hyde found his new room and when Kelso was starting to cheat on Jackie with Laurie so I wanted to touch upon family situations for both of them in a way to explain why they are what they are. 
> 
> In the next chapter, I'm not just going to focus on just Jackie and Hyde, but on everyone else in the Circle, including the Foremans as well. So stay tuned for that!


	5. Chapter 5

"Hyde, is something wrong, man?" Hyde glanced at Foreman, who seems was trying to give him a pop for the past few minutes. He took it quickly, brushing over his silent episode and secretly hoping that Foreman says nothing too.

The smartass didn't.

"Are we going to gloss over your spazz or am I supposed to read your mind now?" Foreman closed his eyes, pressing his fingers to both sides of his head. He opened them momentarily, sighing with resignation.

"Sorry, still can't." Hyde snorted, twisting the cap and chugging down the pop. That Eric can't start a conversation without being sarcastic as hell.

Hyde thinks of the relationship Eric has with Jackie. He didn't know if it was one of resentment or indecisiveness. There were times that Eric and Jackie were okay with each other, where Jackie would help him with his lego sets or Eric wouldn't watch the Golden Girls rerun without any complaint. He doesn't really think Eric actually hates Jackie.

Maybe Jackie was the weakest link in the group. She was the only one in the circle who is smaller than Eric, her wrists even thinner than his. It was easier for him to burn her than the others, so he took any chance he can get. He thinks that no one really likes Jackie, even if Kelso is dating her. So, Eric would think she would eventually leave the basement and he's just rushing the process.

Maybe Eric didn't like the change she was bringing. Kelso and Fez followed her around like puppies. Donna was starting to hang around with Jackie and they may even be turning to be friends permanently. Eric was losing traction with his friends and unconsciously, he's blaming Jackie fo it.

Eric was insecure like that, so Hyde really can't blame something that was just his nature. Jackie noticed it surely, so she leaves the basement sooner than she has to, helps him assemble his Star Wars lego sets, or gives him advice with Donna. She lets him run his verbal mockery with her if it makes him feel better.

(She whispers that she does actually like her nickname, Devil, claiming that he was declaring that she was all-powerful and a force to be reckoned with.)

Eric is not stupid either. Jackie was nicer than she denies she was and she cares more than she admits. The burns were getting less hostile, the glares were less harsh, and the banter was just their dynamic.

Hyde wonders if Eric would be surprised by their relationship. He didn't try to think too hard about it, though.

He wouldn't take it if his surrogate brother would reject this for him as well.

Hyde sighed, recalling Eric's questioning of his weird behavior. There was nothing wrong, really.

_"You didn't tell me."_

He's gripping the glass bottle, thinking he could smash it in his hands. The glass would break and the shards would make his hand bleed, the blood dripping down his hands. He thinks he wouldn't feel the pain that well anyway. The cut would be too shallow that it wouldn't even require stitches. It may scar if he leaves it, but then Jack- Mrs. Foreman would fix it wit her mothering and medical expertise, so his hand will be fine. There would be no physical memory of his injury, but the thoughts of hoping it would scar.

Maybe it would hurt more. Then, he would stop thinking he deserves it.

(He knows his mind wouldn't stop.)

"I'm fine, Foreman. So shut it." Foreman shuts up real quick, zipping his lips with an imaginary lock and throwing the key away. At another time, he would laugh and asks him if he wanted to take a hit.

_"I-I-I need to go." The door slam was loud, making it more definite to him. His punch hitting the table was painful, bruising him. The pain lessened to throbbing and soon, it eventually disappears._

He didn't want the pain to **stop**.

\------------------------------------

"Jackie, dear?" Kitty's hands waved over Jackie's eyes, startling her. She was making cookies with Kitty for her home economics assignment. Melted butter, eggs, and milk was added and stirred in the mixing bowl, streaks of batter on the tabletop due to her clumsiness. The peanut butter jar was unscrewed and stood next to the bowl, the next of the ingredients to stir in.

Jackie glanced at Kitty who was currently humming merrily. She wonders how Kitty never mistakenly revealed their secret friendship. Of course, she didn't hate it as the one thing she and Kitty had in common was that they both can talk about Steven. Kitty had albums of Eric and Steven in their childhood, detailing their stories of how they lived. It was endearing to see the growth of the hardened burnout.

She doesn't question why there were many pictures including Hyde in his friend's family home. It doesn't surprise her anymore.

Steven didn't like to admit he doesn't have a family. He was a deadbeat, now an orphan, he would say. Jackie didn't believe him. Kitty remembers his favorites, washed his clothes, and takes him to get a new coat when his old one ripped. If you care to notice, Red and Steven can be seen in the garage, tinkering with the car while in the kitchen, Steven would be there sometimes to help Kitty cook dinner.

Steven is not that good at hiding his softness when he's with the Foremans either. She notices the wanted ads he circled when looking at the paper because he knows money is tight. She teases him when he remembers Kitty's birthday and gives the mother flowers when no one's looking. The flowers sit harmlessly in a vase on the counter, Kitty humming happily. She knows he lets Kitty hug him and give him sweet kisses because he secretly likes the attention.

Steven cares about the Foremans and the Foremans care about him too. They might not be his biological parents, but it doesn't make it any less special and loving for both of them.

Peanut butter was Steven's favorite, something both Kitty and Jackie know. Kitty took out the ingredients already before she asked what they are going to make. Kitty didn't think what she was doing was wrong as Jackie was hanging out with Steven. It wasn't wrong for her to think she wants to make Steven's favorite cookies. She knew she didn't know they weren't talking to each other, both avoiding the basement if they could.

_"You are not stupid enough not to know!"_

She didn't think to stop her.

It took two attempts, but she managed to make a good enough cookie that wasn't hard or burnt or melting. She tasted it, knowing it wasn't better than Kitty's best, but Steven would have eaten it all, leaving no crumbs and all. Even if they were a little burnt or hard like bricks, he would try to eat them. He might've even lie about them being good.

He always said he doesn't lie. (He don't lie about the serious things.)

She looks at the plate of the cookies, wrapped in foil and note, where Steven is written on it. She wonders how easily it was to write the note as her body controlled it to do so. She never noticed how she was mindless taking care of him and how she didn't hate it.

_"Open your eyes, Jackie!"_

She wondered if he will find it.

She wondered if Steven will eat it or if he will throw it in the trash.

_"I don't believe you!" Steven's eyes turned cold, cruel. Hurting each other was the last thing she ever wanted._

(An hour later, the cookies were gone from the tabletop. The plate was clean, her note gone. Jackie didn't dare ask if he liked it.)

\---------------------------------------

"What should I do about Eric?" Jackie smiles silently, nodding to Donna's story. They are leaning against Kelso's van. Donna asks more for Jackie's advice and she wondered if it was because the girl wanted her advice or a sounding board she can bounce her words off.

She didn't mind, though. Jackie found that she liked Donna's company more than her other friends. She hoped that Donna likes her as a friend too.

She hoped that she would forgive her for liking Steven and dating Kelso at the same time.

Jackie envies Donna for many things. She was the part of this group for much longer than she has. She got to see Hyde grow up through his cynical and jackass self, know more inside stories than she had.

Despite Hyde not thinking he can love so easily, Donna was one of the few that he did want to care about besides himself. Jackie remembers him asking her advice on what to get for Donna on Christmas, his little attempts to see if he had a chance.

Yet, Eric and Donna got together. Steven remained alone, watching their relationship grow behind his hooded sunglasses. He never looked at anyone else after that. It wasn't that he tried nor that he was heartbroken. It was just that Donna was his only chance, he said. Donna knew him in the way that she got with time and memories, so it would be too much work to do that with someone else. Steven didn't think he would be with someone who didn't know him that long enough like he had with Donna.

He was an all-or-nothing guy like that.

Jackie envied that Donna had Hyde's attention like that. There was a little resentment too. Not the kind of resentment where it would fester and get bigger. It was the type of resentment that she just accepted as a fact, but not something that she would hate Donna over because it wasn't really her fault.

She only was a little irritated that Donna and Eric had each other, but Steven didn't. Donna and Eric was the type of relationship that you didn't think twice about because they were childhood sweethearts who liked each other since they were kids. They were the closest to the girl-next-door romance. They would fight and argue, but they will make up surely.

That doesn't mean that she wanted them to break up. They deserved to be together and if they need help along the way, she was fine in being the middle-person. Jackie used to think that their relationship was what she strived to have.

It was natural, meant to be, fated. It was a relationship that people don't question in public, something that was going to come with time and courage. Their love was simple and beautiful and pure.

(She doesn't think hers can be like that. She doesn't know if that was what she wanted.)

She looks at Donna. Donna was still describing the new problem Eric made because he was --well, Eric.

_Why didn't you tell me?_

(Donna pretended to throw up jokingly when Jackie would readily sit in Kelso's lap.)

_Did you think I wouldn't take it?_

(Donna hugging her back when she was crying about Kelso cheating with Pam Macy.)

"Jackie, are you listening to me?" Donna questioned when Jackie wasn't saying anything for a long time. Jackie stayed quiet, but she spoke suddenly, ranting about her ideas, her theories, the one correct way to get back at Eric. (and the only way, she thinks.)

Jackie was irked that Donna already had someone like that in her life. Someone who was hers to love and be together with.

Jackie laughs silently in her head.

This annoyance was just jealousy again, she realized.

\------------------------------------

"Do you think Jackie is mad at me?" Kelso said conspiringly in the circle. The boys were laughing hysterically about something stupid, he couldn't remember.

When Kelso brought up Jackie, Hyde sobered up considerably. He feels guilty for feeling depressed about his fight with Jackie if he makes any sense. It's not really the fact that he feels depressed that makes him guilty, but rather the depth of his feelings is much deeper than he lets on.

He knows he wouldn't feel this unless there was something more than friendship that he wanted.

"Man, we have to talk about Jackie right now?" Eric said with light-hearted disdain.

He wants her forgiveness. He wants to be with her, not caring about who sees, who judges, and who disapproves. He wants to not be hated, not feel that he is betraying one of his friends for liking someone who he shouldn't think about.

He wants to be hers.

"Jackie doesn't let me touch her. We haven't done it like forever!" He wanted to punch his jaw for thinking that's all Jackie is for.

 _I'm sorry._

(He feels giddy inside even though it's not his right to be.)

"Maybe she notices that you are cheating on her with a whore." Fez said matter-of-factly. Hyde laughed at how he said it so unfiltered but doesn't mean any harm. If anyone cares to listen more closely, Hyde's laughter sounds a bit forced and pained.

_Forgive me._

(It's his fault alone for letting this relationship happen and wanting it to never end.)

"Don't be silly! She doesn't know anything."

Jackie's crying face flashed in Hyde's mind, making him clench his fists tightly. He just wants forgiveness. He wants to be forgiven for telling Jackie. He wants to be forgiven for hurting her and not meaning what he said.

"This is messed up, man. You should tell her if you care about her." Eric said with a shaky laugh.

_I'm sorry._

(Hyde wants Kelso to own his lies and take his punishment quietly. If he did that, then he will do the same.)

"I do care about her. Laurie is just someone hot who I bone a few times here and then! It doesn't mean anything." Hyde stifled a laugh at his cheap words, asserting his feelings for Jackie. Liar. If you care about her, you wouldn't cheat on her. You wouldn't make her cry. You wouldn't hurt her like this.

_Please, forgive me._

(He wants to let her go desperately. He wants Jackie to be happy.)

He just wants to be forgiven.

\------------------------------------

_"Lauren and I are going to get mani-pedis later! I'm so excited." Jackie chatter excitedly. They were in the basement as usual._

_She didn't notice that Steven's posture was stiff like it wanted to break in half. She didn't notice that he was sweating, his hands were shaking, and his sunglasses were in place._

_"Kelso is cheating on you with Laurie." Jackie froze, unsure of what she was feeling. It was shock, then anger, but she soon felt the inevitable feeling of sadness. She wonders if this was grief from losing Kelso again or from not being to continue this relationship with Steven anymore._

_Jackie doubts her feelings all the time. She wonders if she loves Kelso still and she wonders if her love for Steven was real._

_She is ashamed of herself when she hopes she is just mistaking her affection for Steven._

_She is relieved when she proves herself wrong._

_Jackie wants to be certain of her feelings. Yet, she knows that feelings are not structured that way. They are complex and confusing things that will make her mind go in circles. Maybe she is in denial or sabotaging herself from what might be the best thing that can happen. Maybe she is scared, thinking it might not work and she knows she won't be able to take it if this one fails because this one is too precious, too valuable to lose. All of this could be true or all of this is just in her head._

_"You're wrong, Steven! You must've misunderstood something. Kelso wouldn't do that to me again." Steven's eyes darkened and Jackie felt a shudder go through her as if an electric current traveled from her toes to all the way up to her neck. They both knew she was lying. Kelso was someone who was tempted easily and he never made any attempt to change that. She didn't know that he knew she wasn't letting Kelso touch her._

_He didn't know the reason, but it didn't matter. The crux of the issue was that Michael would look to other places that weren't hers. Jackie even knew if she couldn't provide Michael with what he wants, then she isn't trying to keep him either._

_"Open your eyes, doll. You're not that stupid enough to not see it." She looks at him with the determination set in her eyes, her trust in Miachel dazzling, but undeserved. He wants to prove her right, but he's not going to lie to her. She needs to know and no one was going to tell her._

_Jackie wanted to believe he was wrong. The old Jackie would've denied it without a moment's hesitation, sustained by her puppy love for Kelso. The new Jackie knew better, so it hurts harsher, longer. Her mind was held by a strand and she almost thought it would be easier to let it break so that she can let go of Michael finally._

_(She would be lonely, but she would be fine. She wishes to be fine.)_

_"How long?" Jackie's voice sounded resigned, tired._

_"A few weeks, maybe a month." She nodded slowly, not saying anything._

_"You didn't tell me." Steven winced at her accusation, true, but hurtful to both of them. They were both fools, she thinks. Jackie wanted to think Steven would choose his friends over her or at least Kelso. Yet, she knew he didn't tell her until now. Was he just laughing with them while she was oblivious, staying together with someone who wasn't going to change? The thought of thinking she was right made her want to scream._

_"I didn't want to hurt you." Steven's voice cracked, telling Jackie that he was telling the truth. His posture was slouched, guilt emanating from his body in waves. Jackie knew he didn't mean to hurt her, but she felt hurt anyway._

_She wonders if Steven and she would meet in a different way, would they have had this relationship? She wishes that they were the same age, so maybe they would have met as classmates. She wishes that they knew each other since elementary and they could've been childhood sweethearts._

_Sometimes, Jackie wishes they didn't meet at all. Then, it wouldn't **hurt** this much._

_Hyde heard a sniff and looked up at Jackie's face in surprise. Jackie was crying. She looked like she was also surprised at the fact of herself crying. She wiped her eyes, but it didn't deter her tears, making her frustrated._

_I made her cry, Hyde thinks in frustration. He swore to not hurt her like Kelso. Hyde reached out to her and she stiffened, backing up quickly._

_"I-I-I need to go." Jackie left through the basement door quickly, slamming it quickly. The loud noise was a deafening wake-up call for him, his heart heavy and sinking down in his chest. Hyde replayed Jackie's crying in his head and his eyes squeezed shut to get rid of the oncoming headache. He sat down in his usual seat, his hand squeezing the chest in an attempt to get rid of the ache._

_He slammed his fist on the table, relishing in the pain and throbbing of his knuckles. He looked at his hand, staring at the redness that he made. He brings his knuckles to his head, his teeth gritting in regret and guilt and self-hatred._

_Hyde prays for forgiveness._

_(Hyde doesn't know which forgiveness he refers to anymore. )_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HENLO!!!
> 
> So this is a longer chapter than the others, so I hope you're excited about that! Thank you for the kudos and comments once again!! I hope you like this one as this one is more focused on the other characters. This chapter is set later at the time when Laurie and Jackie were actually becoming friends and they went on the trip to Vanstock, etc. Steven knew Jackie was liking Laurie, but not knowing she's cheating with Kelso, so he knew he to say it or else he would regret it even more. He didn't think they would be friends, so this was a surprise to him too.
> 
> Hope you like the chapter! Happy Reading!


	6. Chapter 6

"So Tom was cheating on Molly with Kacy, but what she didn't know--"

"Jackie, can't we just focus on the car and not the gossip with the kids these days?" Red said gruffly, bent over the engine of the car. Jackie pouted but held the flashlight to the part that Red was working on.

"I love fixing the car as much as the next person, but if you are thinking we are doing this in silence, then you have another thing coming, Mr. Foreman!" Red rolled his eyes at Jackie's theatrics, pointing to the next thing he needs the flashlight to be. Jackie follows through immediately with a huff. He is a strict man, but he doesn't hate Jackie's assistance. Of all the friends' Eric has, Jackie, is the least useless one. Besides Hyde, of course.

However, Red and Kitty knew they were avoiding each other. Kitty noticed first, of course. She babbled on how Jackie would avoid the basement, and even now the house. Red thinks it's Hyde's fault, that idiot. Hyde was taking more hours at the Photo Hut or just staying in his room, doing god knows what.

Red was a taciturn man, preferring to not interfere in anyone's business, much less the brats'. Kitty was more suited to these sensitive matters, always knowing what to say in times like this. Still, Jackie wouldn't budge, and to be honest, Red admired that stubbornness, though now, he even thinks this is going a bit too far. Jackie hasn't been to the house for a week and Hyde was brooding heavily, snapping at anything that moved.

It was impulsive, but he called Jackie. He yelled that he needed help in fixing the car and Jackie was bewildered but agreed to come over.

"We can be working much better if Hyde is here with us. You get less directed towards him and not me. " Red noticed her freeze, but she relaxed so quickly no one wouldn't notice. Red did, though.

Red noticed Jackie and Hyde getting along much earlier than they did.

Sure, Steven hates everything that is Jackie. A rich, mean, and bossy girl. Yet, Steven couldn't really make the effort to push her away. Jackie was the type of person anyone couldn't help but be soft for. She was loud and talks way too much, but Steven handles her talking much longer than Red thinks Kelso can handle. Steven complains that she's so bossy, but he still follows what she says anyway. Steven knows she has money, but he doesn't ever ask for it.

She has this immaturity that one couldn't help but think it was endearing. Maybe that's why Steven doesn't protest when she reels on with her romantic fantasies or when she argues that Abba is better than Zepplin.

(She also had this talent of hiding whatever's wrong that Hyde only notices.)

"Why didn't you ask Steven, then?" She said with that extra chirpiness that Red noticed had some force to it.

"He's been busy, taking shifts and hanging out with the other brats." Jackie hums in response. She makes a comment about the loose filter, giving him a wrench while talking about it. He tightens it.

"Like he's making up for something."

"I haven't talked to him for a while. Wouldn't know." Jackie points at the oil filter, reminding him to check the level. He checks it.

"Really. With Steven's mood, I would think you know." Jackie shrugs her shoulders noncommittally. She picks up the pop that was on the driveway and starts drinking it.

"Or that you were the reason." Jackie spit takes the soda, choking loudly. Her face was red, making him wonder if it is from her hacking or if she is embarrassed.

"Mr. Foreman!" Red cringed at Jackie's high pitch. He wondered how Hyde handled it.

_(Hyde looks at Jackie talking with a hidden smile.)_

Red grunted in annoyance that he has another secret he had to keep.

"Can you now tell me what's going on now without talking in damn riddles?" Jackie pouted and sat on the curb of the driveway. Red took this as a beer break and sat beside her with an ice-cold beer in his hand.

"He lied to me." Red figured it was something bigger than that, but he didn't pry. He nodded, telling her that he was listening.

"It must have been a really big lie. He never lies." He whistled, taking a swig of his beer. Jackie scoffed, putting her hands on her knees, laying her head in her palms.

"You never thought about why?"

"It doesn't matter." Red sighed, thinking that both of them were stubborn mules. It made them both ill-suited and made for each other.

Red knew that they were both afraid. He can think of a few reasons, but he was sure that there were more that he was just not keeping count of. He was sure that this fight was inevitable, a built-up to the accumulating tension and unspoken feelings they've set aside.

"Steven's hurting more than you think, Jackie. He must've thought he was going to lose you, lie or truth. The thing about boys is that we are stupid, no matter how we try to hide it. We get scared of losing things we think are important. Steven thinks you are important. You think he is, too. If not else, you wouldn't be in this fight in the first place."

_Steven gives Jackie a rag to wipe the grease off her face. Jackie accepts it eagerly and giggles before wiping the black soot off the tip of his nose. Steven grunts with irritated embarrassment._

_He thanks her, nonetheless._

"I need to go." Jackie stood up quickly with a renewed determination. Red sighed, taking one last swig, and setting his beer can on the curb. He walks up to this car, bent over the engine once more.

"He's in the basement." Jackie beamed, thanking the old man quickly.

"Thanks, Mr. Foreman! Also, there's a loose screw on the water filter, one of the tires is in need of rotations, and you need to fill 'er up on gas. Gosh, what can you do without me?" Red waves her away quickly with his hand in irritation. He hid a smile, shaking at his head at the loudest girl he thinks he will ever know.

He knows they will get over this speed bump. Jackie and Steven were the least useless of the bunch, after all.

\-------------------------------------------------

"Steven!" Jackie was determined, adrenaline pumping in her veins. She was going to tell him that she loves him, rejection be damned. She opened the door to the basement, seeing no one inside. She was confused, remembering Mr. Foreman saying that Steven was in the basement.

A light bulb went off in her head. She turned to the door of Steven's room and turned the doorknob slowly, hoping to surprise him.

She was surprised when a cloud of smoke came careening into her face, making her choke. She waved her hands to clear the air and closed the door quickly so that it wouldn't spread to the basement. She wouldn't want Red or Kitty to notice what Steven was doing. Steven usually doesn't smoke alone, saying it just makes the whole being high depressing.

Yet, Steven was sitting on a beaten crate, smoking a joint that seems almost done. Jackie repressed a shiver going through her when Steven notices her.

"Jackie! Come here, doll!" He was smiling, the few ones where it reaches his eyes and it was genuine and it gives her endless butterflies. He patted at his lap and Jackie blushed at the audacity of what he was implying. She restrained her fist, knowing that Steven is delirious and he doesn't know what he's saying.

Deciding on a compromise, Jackie chose to sit next to him, like usual. Steven frowned, shaking his head at her reluctance. He opens his legs and pulled Jackie by the waist into between his legs. He settled Jackie into the crevice in his arms, letting his head settle on her shoulders. 

"S-St-Steven?! What are you-" Jackie blushed at the intimate position they were in. It was the closest they really have been together, something that wasn't a harmless prank or joke. Steven and Jackie were very careful, making sure to not tip-toe over the boundaries that thinly label them as friends. They made sure not to hold hands, hug only for the sake of comforting the other, and not even come close to kissing. (not on the cheek, at least.) Whenever Kelso was affectionate with Jackie, Hyde chooses to avoid doing the same thing, if he could help it.

(He will never cross the line.)

"Shh--Just stay with me, doll." Steven's voice held a tint of tiredness to it. His words had a slur to him, so Jackie couldn't hold it against him to really know what he was doing. He was mumbling nonstop about something Jackie couldn't fully hear. She strained to listen.

"I'm sorry, Jackie. I'll apologize for everything. Don't leave, please I beg you." Jackie froze, her mouth open slightly in surprise.

She stayed quiet, letting him go through his monologue. Jackie knows that this was inherently wrong, listening to his honesty when his defenses were down. Steven's voice was broken, sad. It made her unable to breathe.

"You deserve happiness. I'm a horrible person for thinking of taking that away from you."

Jackie remembers telling Steven about picturesque happiness, one where they both ignored that Steven could never give her. Jackie didn't think he really listened as he disagreed with every point she made. (No, he remembers and it haunts him.) Jackie made small circles in his palms, wondering if she is comforting him or herself.

"I don't want to lose anyone, doll. I don't want to let you go."

She clenched his hands, her hair framing her face in a dark shadow. Jackie was grateful that the lights were on and that his room had no windows for natural light to come in. She understood Steven's concerns. People don't want to lose anything, it's in their nature. It was how Kelso thought he can still have both her and Laurie. She understood, but she won't forgive it. Jackie knew Steven was trying to make his choice. Jackie was making her own painful choices as well.

"Give me more time. I'll make the right choice, I promise." His grip tightened, almost as if he was begging that Jackie to not leave until he makes the decision.

Jackie knew Steven was kind. It was why he didn't push her away when she pulled him in. It was why he is killing himself over what he should do without being a bad person.

Jackie is happy. She even thinks she was the happiest when she met Steven. Jackie's hand was trembling and unsteady and she let out a breath when she knelt her hand on his head. She stroked it, focusing on the feeling of his course hair.

"It's fine, Steven. It's okay." She whispers, relieved when he relaxed his tense figure a little bit.

_I would never leave you alone. It is just the time for the end of this confusion. It was time to let go. She knew, but she wanted the time to pass slowly if only so she can avoid the end to come nearer._

You don't have to make the choice by yourself." Jackie wonders if she was trembling or if Steven was. She wonders who's trembling harder between the two of them. 

_I am prepared to be whatever you need me to be. She wishes that her feelings were fake and shallow, so then, she wouldn't feel the back-breaking regret. She never wanted to say it out loud. She didn't want him to hate her._

"We'll do it together." Jackie can feel Steven going slack and she continued stroking his head, whistling a soft tune of his Zepplin.

_It is both our responsibilities, shared because we agreed together. If you want to endure the yelling, the accusations, I will stand next to you to experience it all. And if they decide to blame me, then I hope you will let them vent, not because they are right, but because you don't have to lose them either. I am fine with it._

"I love you." It was a whisper. Jackie knew he was sleeping now, finally coming back down from his high. Jackie knew of her cowardice when she said it. Knowing he was asleep, she enjoyed the feeling of being in his arms, in the unmistakable smell of pot and smoke and pine needles. She imagined that she didn't belong to someone else and Steven was hers. Jackie imagined that she was his.

"I yearn for you." No one, but the silence answers her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 is out!! So this was a little difficult because I needed to research about cars and know the parts and make some lingo between Red and Jackie. I always thought that Red and Jackie had a close relationship, but sadly, the show didn't show much of it. So I wrote it LOL. I know the progress is a little slow, but I didn't want to rush the process of their relationship.
> 
> I hope you like the chapter and please feel free to give me kudos and comments. I love the feedback!!


	7. Chapter 7

_I love you. Hyde smiles at her, his arms wrapped around her waist. His head leaned against her chest, inhaling her warm smell. Her arms were around his neck, her hair framing his face while she leans in with a smile. Hyde hears her laugh, making him grin. Her body leans into his shoulder while sitting on his lap._

_I love you. Hyde looks up at her face. Jackie's smile was gentle and bright._

Hyde's eyes popped open, his face set in surprise. His face then heated, embarrassed that he was dreaming about Jackie and revealing his desires to easily like that. The touch felt so vivid and warm, almost as if it was real. The sharp pain in his head helped him in gripping with reality.

He sighed.

He doesn't remember anything. He remembers going into his room, irritated and tired. After that, he thinks he passes out after taking a blunt to make the sleep come faster. (And maybe for the pain in his chest to dull for a while.)

He was glad that his room was dark because the bright light would just add to his growing headache. He turned in his bed, deciding to go back to sleep in hope the side effects will eventually go away.

Jackie's sleeping face came into sight, spooking Hyde. _Hard._

_I love you._

What is she doing here?! He looked underneath his covers, relieved that he was dressed. Hyde watches Jackie's face, her expression relaxed and peaceful, the breaths coming out lightly. He couldn't believe she was here.

He reached out for her face, confirming that it was her. She let out a whine, making Steven draw his hand away from her immediately. She gave a little smile, no indication that she actually woke up, just a stirring and nothing more. Hyde wants to kiss her.

_Her hands were brushing his hair, softly and gently. She smiles._

Blurry images popped in his head, making him confused. Did Jackie take care of him? The memories were brief and intensely embarrassing. He rubbed the sleep off his eyes and grits his teeth in shameful anger. He wondered what Jackie saw and heard while he was down under and if he knew Jackie, she would tease him to no tomorrow. He turns to Jackie, her dress crumbled underneath her and her hair spread out like a halo. She looks utterly defenseless.

_Jackie leans over him in a teasing manner. She whispers something. It was staticky._

Hyde thinks it would be easy to just touch her now. She is defenseless and in a twisted, caring way, he wanted to teach her a lesson about going into a guy's room so easily like this. He leaned over her slowly, his face in level with hers.

Hyde thinks it would be easy to lean in. He was close enough to see the fibers of her long lashes, the little freckles on her button nose. He feels the view was familiar, but not the same. He tried to remember, feeling that it was at the tip of his tongue. He felt it was important, something he knew he would regret if he forgets it now.

_I love you. Steven's lids were heavy, but he strained his eyes to open for just a little bit. His vision was blurry, but for one second, it cleared and he saw Jackie's teasing smile._

Hyde's back was back on the thin mattress of his bed again, his hand on his mouth, his eyes wide open. He was shocked.

Can he believe that it was real? Did Jackie just confess to him?

He wants to believe it. Hyde wants to believe that Jackie wanted to be with him as much as he wants to be with her. He laughed at all the hope that came out of nowhere. Hours ago, he was depressed and resigned to let go of Jackie. Now, he feels like a giddy brat who found a fiver on the sidewalk and he was going to spend it on candy and bootleg CDs. 

He is happy. Hyde feels that the happiness was permeating from within, his heart beating faster than before. He wants to wake Jackie up and just reaffirm her feelings. If she does love him, then what is stopping him from loving her?

He wants to be with her.

The thought was loud in his head. The thought of Jackie giving the affection that she usually gives Kelso to him instead was making him forget why it wouldn't work. For one, she was Kelso's girl and friends don't take each other's girls. Second, she's a rich girl whose parents would definitely not approve of him. There were so many reasons, but for some reason, it didn't matter anymore.

He want to be happy too.

The dream he just had made him realize something. When he thought he had Jackie, it gave him the happiest feeling he thinks he hasn't felt in a long time. Then, he woke up and it hurt him more than he wanted to admit. It was lonely and heartbreaking that he thought it wasn't worth it. He's been trying to keep appearances as a good friend and an aloof, zen burnout and he just wanted to throw it away.

He was fine in giving up Kelso. (They can forgive him.)

He was fine in giving up Fez. (They have to understand.)

He was fine in giving up Donna. (He doesn't want to lose her.)

He was even fine in giving up Eric. ( If you don't, then that's fine.)

_I love you._

He wasn't fine in giving up Jackie. He thinks he would just regret it if he did.

He thinks his relationship with Jackie is delicate like strings coming apart on a t-shirt. They both wanted an excuse to end things before it becomes personal because when it becomes personal, it becomes painful. They'll start to care about who they're hanging out with, why one is hurting, or know what makes them happy. Hyde didn't think they would last if they were to fight for real. If he didn't tell her what's he thinking, Hyde was certain that she would give up on them. She would regret that she hung with the poor orphan in the cul-de-sac and she would leave to her world of cheerleaders and queen bees.

He realized he was dreaming of an ending where he doesn't get hurt. But Hyde knew better. The relationship already got too intimate and they both cared about each other too much. This was their first big fight and he laughed at how miserable he became the whole week.

He didn't think Jackie was hurting as much as he did. Jackie doesn't need him, he thinks. He only thinks this because he knows he loves her. Hyde never thought Jackie would love him too.

He doesn't even try to entertain the thought.

But he was wrong.

Now that he knows he has a chance, all he wants to do was tell her. He feels nervous and terrified and he thinks he might throw up, but it was the good kind of feelings. Jackie taught him that with her overthinking and meddlesomeness and just being goddamn caring.

If Jackie wants to be with him, then it's his turn to tell her. He'll repeat it many times if he needs to. He isn't afraid anymore.

\----------------------------------------------------------

"I'm going to break up with Jackie." Jackie understood what was said a little slower than intended. She just woke up, her vision blurry from tiredness and she slowly sat up, rubbing her eyes. She noticed that Steven was sitting up as well, perched on the edge of the cot, his feet dangling on the side. His chin rested on his knuckles, his hands closed tightly in fists.

She thinks he didn't notice her waking up.

"Actually, I think she's cheating on me." Jackie scoffed softly at his suspicions, but she couldn't really blame him for thinking that. She hasn't hung out with Kelso since she fought with Steven. At that moment, she didn't care about keeping up appearances as Michael's girlfriend. The wound was fresh and bleeding and it hurt. so. much.

Jackie knew she needs to end it with Michael. This time, for good. She delayed it as far as she could and now it was just a matter of time. It was not about being ready. She was ready.

"Good riddance." This one stings a little.

She wanted to believe it was pride. She was taught that she was better than others. She had the lineage, money, and reputation to help back her actions. She doesn't have to listen to the taunts and jealousy of others about her lifestyle. She was above them. 

She knows this wasn't why she was hurt. She knows that they didn't like her. She was high-class and they were not. She wears cashmere sweaters and owns a maid while they wear cotton t-shirts and does chores. She came in as their village idiot's girlfriend and the only away they knew how to interact with someone like her was avoidance and scorn. Kelso brings in many girls, so they just assumed that she would leave too. She might be the longest, but she wouldn't be the last.

They made sure to express that.

"We haven't done it in forever! She can't blame me for cheating, honestly!" Jackie clenched the sheets harshly when she heard this. Kelso really only thinks with his libido. She questions if Kelso only had Laurie on the side, now she thinks she wasn't the only one. It hurts, but it didn't surprise her. Kelso wasn't a bad person, she knows. Michael knows how to flatter her when she feels ugly and he does feel bad when he did something wrong. She doesn't think he was pretending to like her when they were together. She didn't think she was pretending either.

Michael is not a bad person. He is just a horrible boyfriend.

That is why Michael won't be condemned. She will wear the mask of an overbearing girlfriend who will force her ideals on a guy who wasn't ready to be serious but can't see it. Michael will stay and she would leave.

She understood that. She did, really. She feels her teeth clenching and her eyes burning with that feeling that felt all too familiar. 

She knew she didn't need to get hurt, but she did. She was happy that they waved at her when she entered the basement. She was happy when Eric would make fun of her because she knew that he didn't really mean it. If he didn't really want her around, he would just say it and he never said it. So, she stayed in the basement and helped him out when he asked. She thought to herself that maybe he didn't hate her as he said.

She was grateful Donna would try to make her feel better when Kelso said too much. Donna forgets that she is a girl too. She might not like girly stuff as much as Jackie did, but it doesn't mean she wants to be a guy. Sure, she is pushy, but she doesn't think Donna hated hanging out with her. They still laugh about the latest gossip and Donna's secret smile tells her that she does like to talk about romance and hot guys. She doesn't want to believe that those secret talks and their weekend sleepovers weren't real.

She was glad that Fez liked to go shopping with her. Fez was the easiest to win over. They just had the same interests and he liked a pretty girl to hang out with. Sure, he flirts with Jackie, but it was harmless, really. She laughs at his silly behavior as one would for a friend. His smiles were the most genuine and Jackie truly thinks he will find love with the right person.

She couldn't ignore the feeling that she had with them. She wasn't that good at being zen like Steven. She knew that even if they had little moments like this, they wouldn't be on her side. She was abrasive and meddlesome and annoying and she wasn't going to change.

She wasn't their friend.

She had to understand that or else she was going to get hurt. She needs to not _care_.

She couldn't ignore her feelings. She couldn't pretend their interactions made her not happy. She cared and she appreciated and she liked being their friend.

Her eyes were burning. Her lips were trembling. Her figure was shaking. She hated how weak she was. She knew she could just ignore their voices, but she didn't want to be a coward. She needed to hear them even if their remarks felt like needles piercing her back. She needed to know, but she hated how little it made her feel. She felt alone. She wanted to leave. She felt trapped in Steven's room, knowing the only way out was to them.

Steven.

Steven's hand touches hers. She was startled, but she didn't take her hand away. Jackie looks at Steven and his face was concerned, stricken with an indescribable emotion. She wondered when he noticed she was awake. She wonders if he saw her pale face and thought the worse. She wanted to tell him it was okay and she was fine.

But she was tired.

"If she can't satisfy me, then there is really no need to be with her! It's all she does for me, anyway." Jackie stiffened, her body feels like she's freezing. She cupped her mouth with her hand, her breath caught in her throat.

Jackie didn't know what to think. She felt her ears buzzing like a radio on static. She looked at a spot on the wall, concentrating hard not to let the words get to her. Jackie understood Michael was irritated. For this whole week, she was ignoring him when he offered to hang out with her. She was easily agitated and she yelled at him on more than one occasion for just breathing. She was hurt and immature and all she thought was to take it out on him.

She wanted to believe she was wrong. She wanted to believe that he wasn't to blame for saying something like that.

But she is so sad. She is hurting and she is anguished and she thinks no one will reach out to help her. She desperately wants to not care and stop the hurt from slowly killing her. She wants to have value to someone. She wants someone to look at her and see gold. She wants to be gold.

Jackie did not want to cry.

The sound of a door slamming spooked her, the basement light illuminating her vision for a moment. She feels the world around her was moving so fast and she couldn't comprehend what was happening.

"If you're breaking up with her, then I can have her, right?" Steven's voice was harsh, livid.

His friends were shocked, seeing that Steven coming out with Jackie hand-in-hand from his room.

"Hy--"

Steven didn't hear the end of the statement. He turned away from them and pulled me away.

I tried to look back before he ushered me out of the basement. Their faces were shocked, almost ashamed. Kelso was confused, but she saw a hint of betrayal in them. The door slammed quickly before I can see more.

Steven's grip was tight. It wasn't hard enough to be painful, but it left no room for him to let go. Jackie needs to tell him to go back.

But, it was all too much happening in a short amount of time.

Jackie feels her vision blurring. She held all her pain in the whole time in the basement. All she wanted to do was cry. She just wants Steven's hugs. She wants Steven to tell her it was okay to cry.

She breaks down.

In response, Hyde's hand squeezed hers. She hoped he wouldn't let go.

He didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> I have updated and I'm sorry if it feels like I'm pulling you along for the ride because of my soft ends and cliffhangers. But I feel like this was the perfect point to stop at! I hope you like the update. Thank you for the kudos and comments. I always love feedback. My story had gone up to almost 1K hits and it had made me so excited. I can't believe that you all have read my story and I'm all for it!!


	8. Chapter 8

"Steven." Jackie's voice was less shaky and scratchy, making him relieved that she was feeling better. Hyde grunted in response, but he didn't let go of her hand. He felt that if he let go of her hand first, he wouldn't have another chance to have it again.

Steven." He understood his actions were rash and impulsive. He wasn't thinking. Yet, when he remembers the biting remarks his childhood friends said, he has this increasing agreement in his head where he didn't regret it.

He thought he would forgive them if they couldn't accept their friendship if they ever would find out. They just need more time, he thinks. But they would get over it and they would forgive them and they would understand.

He thought that because they were friends. They were the ones that knew him since kindergarten and saw how he grew up. They were the ones that didn't ask questions if he had a bruise on his side and accepted his explanation when he said he just fell. They knew what world he was living in and they liked him anyway.

But they _hurt_ her.

"STEVEN!" He stopped walking, realizing he must've been pulling her along without looking back to see if she was okay.

"I'm so--I--are you okay?" Hyde reprimanded himself for acting flustered, feeling out of his element. He feels not zen, not hiding anything. He's not sure what he's feeling exactly. He thinks he feels anger and sadness and disbelief and disappointment-- just everything. Jackie takes her hands and cupped his face gingerly. He leans against her palms, his hands cupping hers as well.

"I'm fine." She said this softly, her expression looking more relaxed. She took my hand in hers and lead me back in the opposite direction. They never held hands like this, so he couldn't help his smile. Her hands were soft and smooth like he imagined. He was embarrassed about how sappy he sounded, but it was the truth. Then, he noticed they were getting closer to the place he was just running away from. Steven frowned and stopped her leading by staying back.

"What are you doing?" She hummed, jingling the keys she had on her other hand.

" I drove here, Steven. My dad is going to freak out if I don't have the Lincoln. You are so lucky I stopped you before we walked a block! These heels aren't meant for walking, ya know." Sure enough, her car was parked on the side of the street. She turned around to smile at Steven with a sly tilt of her head. She offered the keys to me.

"Drive me home?" She was looking at me with that coy smile and Hyde knew he was a goner. This girl really knew how to twist someone around her finger. He took the keys.

\-----------------------------------------------

The car ride was silent, with the singing of Fleetwood Mac from the radio as the only sounds between us. Jackie was leaning against the window, looking at the streets. There was some sun out when we left the Foremans in a hurry, but now it was dark with just the street lights illuminating the asphalt.

Hyde wondered what she was thinking. She hasn't said anything since they started driving and the only sounds she made were her absentminded humming to the radio. It made him nervous because he knew she heard his outburst when they left in a hurry.

He was embarrassed. But he was also relieved like a weight has lifted off his chest. He didn't think his unrequited feelings were a burden. As he hangs out with Jackie, he realized that the resolve to hide this secret until his last breath became so terrifying it felt like he was trying to breathe underwater. It was painful and heavy and he felt there was a weight dislodged in his throat. Yes, he thinks. His feelings weren't a burden. It was the fact that he had to hide it that made the weight heavy.

Plus, this is all his friend's fault anyway. They were the ones to hurt Jackie, to say things that were painful and uncalled for. Even though they always complained about Jackie entitled and meddlesome nature, they still allowed her to stay. If they truly didn't like her, then they would've spurned her harsher, ignored her longer, or insulted her straight to her face.

Pretending to be her friend on the surface and talking behind her back was nothing less than cowardly. Hyde seethed in renewed anger. They were being _unfair_.

They weren't fair to Jackie who didn't do anything wrong. She wasn't the one that cheated nor talking about anything behind their backs. Jackie is a cheerleader, but she never talked about them with her cheerleader friends. Jackie said that it was because it was already embarrassing that she was hanging out with them. He knew better. He knew that Jackie was already protecting them in her own way. Jackie knew gossip happens once you say it and in the moments she deems important, she keeps her secrets like a treasure.

(They never deserved to know Jackie's beautiful mind.)

He knew he was also being unfair. He hid their friendship like it was something they didn't deserve to know. He believed they wouldn't understand what Hyde would see in Jackie and what Jackie would see in Hyde, like how was it worth it to care about each other, to feel content and loved and just so happy. He realized it was more than assuming things. He just gave up trying.

And maybe he was _afraid_.

They never knew Hyde when he was truly vulnerable. Sure, he had a broken home and an alcoholic mother who didn't remember what the day of the week was. That was just the tip of the iceberg. He was a person who dreams nightmares and self-sabotages himself when he believes he deserves something for a little bit. It was too terrifying to make something so common for him so serious and real for them. Jackie was the only one who knows just a tidbit of this scary person he is actually.

And she hasn't run away yet.

Hyde wasn't sure if it's because she knew what it was like or if she was just his own miracle. She dreams her own nightmares and fights her own fears like him. Hyde thinks he knew she was like himself, but it was too far-reaching, too unexpected for him to connect the dots. They both held things within themselves where they knew it was too deep, too heavy to share unless it's with someone who has the same thing.

He feels shame and guilt and jealousy for them and for himself.

"What about tomorrow, we go watch a movie?" The radio descended to a mindless commercial that he didn't care to listen to.

They don't deserve her. ( He doesn't think he deserves her so easily either.)

"What's playing?" Jackie chuckles, stretching her hands across the window, feeling the wind behind her.

Yet, he hopes they can learn. Hyde will wish they understood what made Jackie beautiful and loving and someone that even he wanted to hide so he can have her to myself.

"We can look when we get there. Then--" He turns quickly to look back at her before going back to the front.

He felt a chill and a heat that can burn his insides. He clenches his hands on the steering wheel like it was his weapon to hold. He wanted to hurt. He wanted to crush something under his foot. He wanted to _scream_.

He never thinks he was the nice one. That was Eric or Donna or even Kelso. He was the realistic one, the person who likes to use others, someone who never notices feelings. They weren't supposed to hurt anyone. They knew why people cry and they never had any problem in feeling bad for someone else.

It was just part of being a _nice person_.

"Fucking assholes." For some reason, it made her cry harder.

"Steven, we have to apologize." He growls unconsciously, realizing it came out like a warning.

"What are you saying? I don't have to apologize for anything, much less you."

"You shouldn't let what they say get to you. I'm fine. I-I-I bet they didn't mean it." Jackie always made it easy to not fight. She forgives easily and apologizes quicker than you would think. She was easier to please than she lets on too.

"You don't have to make any excuses for them." His volume was rising. This would make people afraid and he knows his friends would flinch in response. He never raises his voice and he was good at making his anger seem light-hearted. He didn't think to hide his anger. Jackie was never afraid of him when he was like this. It was irritating and relieving at the same time.

"But Steven!"

"What?!" She looks horror-stricken, terrified at something. He doesn't know what, but it makes him afraid too. Is Jackie giving up on him now? Now that their friends know about them, maybe Jackie didn't want to be with him anymore. Yet, what she whispered next startled him more than anything.

"I don't want me to be the reason why you lose everything." Her arms curled around her body, making her look small. He has always feared that taking their relationship out into the open was going to make her leave. He didn't think for her, she felt the same fears about him.

She is easy to please. If she wasn't, then it wouldn't have lasted so long with Kelso. It was worrying, but it was so Jackie that he didn't want to change that about her. They had their own share of petty fights and sometimes, he apologizes. Most of the time, he doesn't. He would pay for lunch and she would beam gleefully for a hamburger wrapped in tin foil. He would brush his hair more cleanly and she would smile proudly at how clean he looked.

It didn't mean that he didn't feel bad about whatever fight he had, but it was more that she knew he was saying sorry. It was like she understood that he couldn't directly apologize and assume that everything can be fixed just like that. Apologies can be cheap words real quick and he would never do that to Jackie.

If Edna was sorry for being a deadbeat mom, then she would stop beating him.

If Kelso was sorry for hurting every girl, then he would stop.

He wanted her to know that if he really did apologize with words, he meant it. Until then, he would show with his actions that he won't let her down and she would beam that smile that makes him weak in the knees.

Hyde thinks it's so easy to make her happy and he wondered why they didn't understand that.

He was so sure that Kelso knew. It made him easer to resent him and he was desperate to make excuses for why he was being a cruel person.

Jackie didn't have to like his friends nor does she have to try for the rest of her life. They would have to beg and plead for forgiveness because Jackie fucking deserves it. It's their turn to apologize and feel horrible and he's going to get some pleasure out of it.

He pulled over harshly, hearing the loud screech and smelling the slight smell of burning rubber. Jackie looked around herself quickly, looking at him with that confusion that asked for answers. 

"I meant what I said to Kelso." Jackie's face froze and at a moment like this, he was grateful that she puts her emotions on her sleeve. It made it easier to figure out what she is feeling. He takes her hands within his, kissing her palm before bringing it to his forehead, almost like in prayer.

"I want to be with you. I want us to hold hands and kiss and do everything a boyfriend has to do. I might not be perfect but I can try. I'll do anything to be with you, Jackie."

Hyde's heart is beating a mile a minute and his chest is exhaling so loudly that it sounds painful. He doesn't believe in religion nor a God. These beliefs were for people who had someone to believe in from the start. He could never believe in something he couldn't see or explain. It felt like an excuse people use to explain normal things like kindness and generosity. It wasn't because God made humans that way. Some people were just born that way.

(It didn't stop him from letting Kitty drag him to Sunday church in a while.)

Yet this time, he prayed. He prayed for happiness, for forgiveness, for love. He didn't pray to God.

He settled with praying to Jackie.

\-----------------------------------------------

Jackie was bewildered. She accepted her leaving once they were tired of her. It was something she feels she was forced into. It made her angry and it was unfair that she was the one that had to be left behind.

But she knew better than this.

This choice was hers all along. If she was selfish, she would stay because she wanted to. She can pretend and smile and ignore the shards of glass piercing her back persistently until there were minuscule, invisible scars.

A sane person wouldn't do this to themselves. She wondered if she was abnormal. The excuses she made was something she falls back on because deep inside her, she knew there was really only one reason she wanted to stay.

She looks at their outstretched hands, the connection only physical as she doesn't feel the emotions catching up to her yet. Jackie thinks she now understood why it is easy to deny something that would obviously make you happy. It feels surreal and there was this slow heat slowly spreading in her skin.

She feels something incomprehensible welling within her. It was more complex than just being happy and sad. It was akin to satisfaction and nausea at the same time and she knew it didn't make sense, but it's honestly what she thinks. It made her confused, but for some reason, she didn't think she wanted it to stop. It wasn't an inherently bad feeling.

Something clicked in her mind.

_Ah._

She just feels overwhelmingly _emotional_.

"I-I-I want to be with you too." As if by magic, his hands gripped mine tighter like he knew what I was thinking. He looked up at me in shock and disbelief I had to stifle the urge to laugh. My cheeks were wet and I knew I was crying, but I was smiling too.

"You do?" Steven smiles a little smile. He grips my face gently with his palms and I closed my eyes gently to let him wipe my tears. His hands were so warm and rough that were somehow unlike her own. 

She knows how easy it is to just be in the moment and be happy about the fact that Steven loves her and now, she's his and he's hers. Yet, she wouldn't be herself without feeling the insecurities and consequences of what she's doing. She doesn't want Steven to regret this.

"But Eric and Michael--what about them?" Steven kissed the palm of her hands, making her feel an intense heat on the back of her neck. His eyes searched her face with a slowness that bordered at adoration that she can't help but feel pleasure in it. She wonders what he's looking for, but she thinks he found it when he smiles at her.

"They'll get over it." She hears the obvious snark in his voice. She also hears the slight tremor, knowing he's nervous about it too.

"What about Red and Kitty?"

"You know they love you." She laughs at his smug grin and she leans in to give her own sense of loving and caring. She kisses his cheek, making it close to his mouth on purpose. She knows he's scowling that he didn't get a real kiss, but he took it lightly. A gentleman knows patience, after all. She took the opportunity to sit in his lap, leaning his chair back slyly so that they both have space.

They just got together and she wanted to bask in this happiness fully.

"What about me? I'm not rich nor presentable." Steven grinned wolfishly, his hands settling on her hips steadily.

"Well, money is overrated after all. And I can always tweak your closet when you're not looking!" Jackie giggled humorously when he rolled his eyes at her antics.

"I think I'm regretting this after all."

"Oh, hush you!" She leaned in, finally giving in to what they both want. They kissed softly, delicately as if they were kissing someone for the first time. In a way, it was their first time for each other. For both of them, they had been denying what was between them and reminding themselves that they were friends and nothing more.

They denied what they had, ripping the threads that were sown between their gripped hands as if it wouldn't leave scars or be painful. They were nervous, maybe even afraid. They wanted to appreciate what they had because they understood it was something they had to cherish, to protect even if the only reason they had was that it made them happy.

Jackie can feel him deepening the kiss and she embraced it eagerly like it was a mind-numbing drug. She can feel his left hand cradling her head like she was something fragile, but his right hand gripped the small of her back in that way that she knew he wanted more. (Well, she hopes that was the case.) Her hands were digging into the back of his hair, immersing into the coarse sensations of his locks.

Steven's lips opened slightly and his tongue brings a shiver down her spine so strongly that she couldn't compare with Kelso, even. She moans naturally from his touch, his kisses, and in turn, he groans when she reciprocates with her own teasing.

They finally separate, their eyes locking in a heated gaze. Steven's eyes were dark blue, hooded with desire and she felt a thrill, knowing she was the reason for that gaze. She kissed him one more time, firmer than the first, but nonetheless loving and sweet. Jackie can feel him smiling in their kiss and he cradles her cheek naturally with his hand.

At that moment, Jackie promised to treasure him with all she had. She couldn't think she would not make mistakes along the way, but at least they would be happy.

Steven thinks she makes him happy and despite the fears, the worries, he makes her happy too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers!
> 
> I am alive!! I've been swamped with work and school and club stuff that it's been hard finding time to write, but I have managed to complete this chapter for you guys! I hope you are happy they are together (BECAUSE I AM!) and I know there are still alot of loose ends, but it will be solved in the later chapters. I hope you like this update and feel free to leave kudos and comments. I always appreciate the feedback and support from you guys!!!


	9. Chapter 9

Hyde didn't plan to avoid them.

It was unavoidable. He lives in the basement of one of his friends' house and the other one lives right next door. They were quiet, wondering how long he needed to speak, to explain, but then they both knew Hyde wasn't one to speak his thoughts freely. Yet, they also knew that he didn't sugar coat his truths and he would never lie to save face. This wasn't a joke to get back at them. This wasn't a sick prank. This was something he wanted and they couldn't help but _not understand_.

(He didn't know how to start.)

The next day, he comes down to eat breakfast with the Foremans, mumble small talk with Red, and gets his daily fussing over with Kitty. He was the last one to arrive in the kitchen, the smell of eggs and bacon already wafting in the air. His sunglasses was in place, hiding his emotions as usual. Foreman and Laurie already sat in the dinner table, bantering between themselves, and Red was reading the daily newspaper. It was a routine morning. It was almost like nothing has seemingly changed.

This was untrue.

The moment he stepped in, Foreman stopped talking and he just stared. It was subtle and he would quickly glance to something else, but Hyde can sense his curiosity. Kitty gave him his plate and he accepted it eagerly with a silent thank you.

He sat down across from Eric when they both know he usually sits next to him. This little harmless change explained to Foreman what he wanted to ask. They spoke no words between each other when usually they would have had immersed themselves in a meaningless chatter. Their body language was enough to speak about what they were thinking.

This was a skill that was earned with time. Hyde was proud to call Foreman a brother because they were raised that way. Foreman was someone who knew when Hyde was struggling when he was. Hyde would always come to the rescue when the little nerd was in trouble. They respected each other and even if they were confused by some actions, they trusted why they did what they did.

Foreman spread the butter on the toast before bitting into it. _You are not trying to even to explain what you did._

Hyde asked Kitty for the ketchup and proceeded to mix it with the eggs. _I don't want to talk about it._

Foreman ate some bacon. _When are you gonna be ready?_

He finally looked at Foreman, who was momentarily shocked at the eye contact. _I don't know._

\------------------------------------------------------------------

He hasn't been to the basement since then. It has been a week of him doing his usual routine and them ignoring it. He thinks they expected him to justify what he did, maybe even explain that it was his fault. Hyde knows that it was just his pessimism talking. He's not sure if they think there was something wrong with him, supporting the devil Jackie who he claims he hates on many occasions. Yet, he wants to believe it more just for the sake that he can justify why he's avoiding the whole conversation.

He knows they need to talk. He doesn't want to keep staying mad at them. But, it was still too raw and too confusing for them, so it was better if they didn't face each other for now.

So, he just goes through his day. (minus going back to the basement part.)

He went to work at the Photo Hut like he usually does. He regrets that he decided to take on so much work but he knew that this was a very him thing to do. At the time, he was fighting with Jackie and he desperately wanted to stop thinking about how much of an asshole he was.

"Hello, Steven!" Hyde grimaces at the flash from the camera in Jackie's hands. He was leaning against the drive-thru window, waiting for the little customers they have. Jackie has been visiting him often since they got together. Sometimes, she's here before he opens or after he closes, so she can drive him back home. Sometimes, she waits because they have a date, which is the case now.

He was having fun. He liked that there was somone waitng for him, that someone was searching for him, that when they just look at his face, they would smile because it was him. Jackie always smile so radiantly that sometimes it blinds him. To a bitter, apathetic person like himself, Jackie was blindingly _dazzling_.

He thought to himself that now that he have her, he had to treasure her, cherish her like keeping shiny pebbles in a children's box. He laughed softy as he waved at her who was running to him with her handy camera in his hands. She was his for the taking and for the first time in his life, he was happy with that.

She has been trigger-happy with her camera. She said it would be weird to come to a photoshop and not get photos while she was here. So, she would take photos of herself, of him, of them together and offer him the film so he can develop it the next day. Hyde doesn't know what the hell she does with the photos, but she seems happy when she get the envelope every time.

He heard more flashes and he rolled his eyes.

"Don't you think you would be tired of that?"

"Whatever, Steven! How can I prove to people that I'm dating? The world needs to know you exist!" She snapped before taking more pictures. Hyde took the camera from her hands and put it behind him before bending over to get a kiss from her. She accepts it smoothly and knotted her hands behind his head briefly before letting go.

He knotted his hands with her and they both walked back to her car.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Let's go to the Water Tower. I brought burgers!" She sing-songed playfully while swinging their arms.

Hyde grins before kissing her one more time.

\------------------------------------------------

Jackie drinks the last of her pop before leaning against Steven. They were watching the view of Point Place silently, just immersed in the moment. Steven naturally gives a kiss on her forehead in response before placing his arm over her shoulder, bringing her closing to him.

Jackie has been counting the days since Steven had their falling out with his friends. She wonders how they both haven't said anything yet, but she also understood that this might be the group giving Steven the space he needed. They may have had a fight, but this didn't erase the years they had together. Steven was someone who needed time to think and if he wasn't ready, he would close himself off until he was. But, she knows the group were done waiting.

They wanted answers and obviously, Steven wasn't giving it to them.

_"Where's Hyde?" She startled when waiting for her order at the Hub. She was leaning against the wall, tapping her foot impatiently for the food to be finished. She looked up and realized it was Donna and Eric. They seem well, looking the same as usual but if she observed harder, she saw tell-tale signs of stress._

_Donna's hands kept clenching and unclenching repeatedly like it was a mantra._

_Eric had dark circles, stemming most likely from little sleep._

_"At work." She was uncomfortable, and maybe a little hurt. They were staring at her like she was a problem they couldn't solve. They were hurt, she get it. They didn't know and no one has attempted to explain it to them. Not even her. She just thinks Steven should be the one to tell them as she thinks even if she did tell, they wouldn't believe her. She was the girl who speaks fantasies and believes in dreams._

_"What did you do to Hyde?" Eric was accusative, but his words also held a defense to them. He believes he had some right to know everything, but he had to understand that some secrets would be kept to the grave between her and Steven. It was not a matter of trust, but a matter of confidance. Some secrets were just made to be only be known betwen one other person because it was too painful, too heavy, but too lonely to be kept alone._

_Donna and Eric would never know that Jackie was afraid of silence because it was all she experienced as a child, never knowing until much later that this was negilence. They wouldn't understand that she keeps speaking and she is so loud because silence can be so powerful and some days, it overwhelms her and **she is so lonely**._

_(Steven knows and he lets her speak if only to just make her feel better.)_

_Donna and Eric would never know that Steven is deathly afraid to lose things and sometimes, he becomes so reckless it scares her. They will never know that Jackie called Steven late one time at night after cheer practice, crying and whispering that someone has been following her. She locked herself in the supply closet behind the gym and she was holding her breath when the knob rattled and it became still once more. She waited in the dark until she heard Steven's voice and his fist knocking harshly against the door she was certain he was going to break it. They will never know that Hyde took Jackie into his arms, her head against his chest tightly like he wasn't sure if it was her._

_They will never know that Steven alternated between lecturing her and making sure she was okay. Steven had berated her for being alone in the FUCKING dark and about just being stupid and if they did anything to her at all. They would never know that Steven spent fifteen minutes holding Jackie with the chilling fear that he might've been too late and he kept repeating that he was afraid._

_("I was so afraid, Jackie.")_

_There was some secrets that wouldn't matter if she told them. It wasn't something to understand, but something that happened that made them closer. Jackie and Hyde were just people who were apart, but when they had the chance to be together, they refused to separate after the first time. They knew what it was like to have someone who liked them for being them and even if they tested each other's loyalty because they were both damn insecure, they passed it even if barely._

_"There's nothing wrong with Steven, Eric." Jackie was surprised at how calm she said that. It was the truth for her because Steven is still Steven. He works hard in this small town that had described him as a hoodlum who couldn't amount to anything. He had fists that hardened because he always had someone to protect and a body that grew hard because there was always someone to fight. Donna and Eric knows that. They have to know that because then, what were all the years being his friend for?_

_"Do you feel good about yourself, Jackie? You obviously don't care about the rest of us or even Kelso." She stiffened at Donna's harsh words. They won't even acknowledge what they have done. They are just blaming someone for the conflict that has been sown in this group that formed since childhood. They're not remembering the days where they hid Kelso's infidelity from her like her pain wasn't something to think about. They don't want to explain their actions. **They won't even try.**_

_"You guys never cared about me." Jackie wondered what she looked like to them. Their eyes widened like they were seeing a side of Jackie they never knew existed. She bet that they thought she would yell or scream. However, Hyde taught her well. She refused to let them play the victim card because they are in no way, the victims. She will fight tooth or nail for her relationship with Steven because they have no right._

_"Jackie-" Eric looked forlorn, unsure of what he was actually doing. Donna came into the house one day, saying enough was enough and that they needed to talk to Hyde. Eric admits that Hyde was doing his best to avoid the conversation about Jackie, but now as they been walking on egg shells around each other, Eric has realized a few things about the reality of his life._

_Jackie had become an integral part in his household and he hasn't realized. He didn't know that without her loud comments and excited chatter, his home felt quiet. He realized that Jackie was over at his house more than he realize. He didn't want to delve deeper if the reason was for Hyde or for Kelso, but in his deep subconscious, he thinks it's because she just purely likes his home. If that was the true reason, then what he is doing feels wrong._

_He didn't realize how his parents seems to interact with her more than even Donna until now. His mom would wonder where her little two helpers were and in his misconception, he thought she was referring to him and Hyde. But then, she waved her hand at that thought and flippantly responded it was Jackie. Then, he remembers._

_Jackie in the kitchen, stirring a concoction Kitty gave her. Jackie snapping his hand away when he tries to take a spoonful. Kitty laughing at the pout her son gives annd Jackie snubbing him like day-old baloney. Jackie has always been helping his parents._

_Red always wondered what Jackie was doing. Jackie always had to have someone to walk her home and she would always call back to just say she's back home. It was something he never thought was abnormal becuase it was just how it was. It was matter-of-fact to just know where she was, to just care._

_He looks at Jackie once more. Her eyes red-rimmed, almost looking as if she was restraining her tears. Her mouth was in a determined scowl, ready to defend herself._

_(Against what? He doesn't know anymore.)_

_Her eyes were fierce, which reminded him of what Jackie always was. She was a strong girl, never cared about our burns, and understood more about our faults because she listens and learns. Yet, there was this sadness and uncertainity that makes him realize she doesn't want to fight him or Donna or Kelso. She's fighting an enemy with invisible weapons and painless chains because it was never her intention to hurt anyone._

_Eric stares at the girl Hyde chose to fight for, even if it's against him._

_Eric wonders who was the enemy was. He wonders if there was even enemies in this situation._

_"We are both hurting and you're just ignoring it." Eric hung his head in shame and Jackie feels a determination that she needs to say this, to describe a silver of what she was feeling. She was hurt, she was furious, she was just sad._

_"Jackie-" The bell rings, the yells from Frank, signaling Jackie's order was ready. She took the paper bag and pushed past the pair quickly. Eric's eyes was wavering and it always made sense because while Eric never understood, he accepted the significance of the matter. He was the son raised by Kitty Foreman, a woman with an unconditional love, and Red Foreman, a man who understood loyalty above all else. Jackie knew Eric was confused and that this was different from Hyde getting caught or Kelso cheating with the next girl. This was personal and this created sides between long-time friends. But Eric seems like he's trying._

_"Don't ignore us. We want you to just understand." Jackie whispered with a finality. She just needs to give him a push in the right direction._

_She smiles with a sadness that broke Eric's heart._

Steven drives Jackie back with one hand on the wheel and another hand clasped with hers. The radio was playing something slow and quiet, befitting of the time. They've been having many days where it's just them and it's nice because it feels like they are the only ones in the world. But they're not.

They have other people in this world. They have been waiting. They have been impatient.

Jackie's house came into view. It was a large house and there were no lights. She wasn't sure that someone was in the house, but she got used to it. Steven's hand tightened around hers and she smiled while leaning against his large build. He lead her slowly to the gate and she whirled around quickly on her tippy-toes. Steven leaned down to kiss Jackie's lips hungrily and she wound her arms around his neck. He picked her up slightly to accomodate for the height difference.

They both separated, his hands still gripping her by the waist and her hands fussing with the fuzz on the back of his head. Their foreheads leaned against each other, their eyes locked and they both shared a secret smile.

Steven kissed her once more and turned around to walk back home. Jackie opened the gate and walked inside. She turned around to see his back and she bit her lip, wondering if she should shout goodbye so that he would turn around. Right when she was about to yell, Steven turned around and waved lazily. Jackie beamed and waved erratically, her skirt billowing because of the air she made with her arms.

She was happy. The recent confrontation flashed in her mind. They were happy, but she knew it wouldn't be easy.

Yet, the struggle seems so worth it as long as they wanted to be beside each other. As long as Steven wanted to be with her, she never plans to let go.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Steven was horribly failing at hiding a stupid grin on his face. The night was cold, freezing and he can see his breath when he exhales. He was wearing a thin shirt over a weathered denim jacket, doing so little in defending against the wind. Yet, his steps were light and his body still feels warm.

He is in awe at how elated he feels. It felt surreal, but tangible at the same time. His lips were burning from their kisses and his cheeks were warm, not sure if it was from the cold or from the way Jackie's fingers brushed over his rough skin. Their interactions had been frivilous, but so meaningful that he keeps track every time. He had never thought their relationship would be so natural.

She links her hands with his like they have been doing it their whole lives. He kisses her head every time he sees her like it was just a greeting ingrained by habit. Yes, there were times when there is a pause of ackwardness but it made the moment even more real, more beautiful. Those pauses are a reminder that life happened, time passed and he had the right to say that she makes him happy.

The Foreman house was in sight, his steps bringing him closer to finally going to bed. The lights were off, meaning everyone is asleep and he is totally up past curfew. He goes down the steps to the basement, picking up the key hidden in the fence so that he could get inside quietly. The creak was inevitable, but quiet enough that no one would notice in their sleep. As expected, the basement was dark and he scrambled to make sure he wouldn't hit anything. 

Then, the lights turned on, blinding his eyes for a moment. He cursed silently, thinking Red finally caught him and today was the day he was finally going to get kicked out. He looked and he was surprised, to say the least.

It was Foreman.

He was looking at Hyde with a firm look that was just confusing.

"Hey." I waved despite him really only steps away. Foreman looked like he was waiting a long time and he felt this familiar feeling that made him feel like he was facing a verdict once again. Was he finally done with the whole shitty situation?

"You're back." Foreman didn't seem angry. He was calm, like he was stating a fact. His posture was straighter than usual and while his dark circles seem more prominent under the yellow light, his eyes were clearer than it has been these days. He realized something.

"Yeah, man. You need somethin'?" Foreman cocked my head at my zen response. He should know. This Hyde was just defending against something unknown in the way he knew how. This Hyde may be a grown-up , but he never grew out his child phase that hid his insecurities and problems. It only proved to his closest friend that Hyde was just hoarding what he loved like he always do. He never could brag about what he have when he did get something he truly cared about. His favorite limited edition Zepplin record would stay stashed in a place that Eric would only find if he snooped.

Jackie was not any different, but not exactly the same either.

Jackie was something important. She wasn't intentional either. Eric tried to stare at Hyde without letting his friends thinking for him. Donna was always better at holding a grudge than him. Donna was a feminist. It made her skeptical and thinking the worst even with her own friends. At this point, Eric had to realize that she doesn't believe in what they were simply were.

 _Hyde and Jackie just love each other._ (He would soon learn that they never even verbalized this between each other.)

So, Eric made the first step in attempting to understand this without having them close everyone off. He pats Hyde on the shoulder and gives a half-smile. Hyde is his brother, his family.

"I invited Jackie over for dinner tomorrow night. Tell her for me, will you?"

Eric just _wanted_ to understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> Sorry for the wait! I've been consistently making the chapters a little longer, so that's why it's been taking more time. Also, I've been loving the comments and feedback. I'm sorry if I replied to your comments so late, but I tend to reply to them when I finished my new chapter, so I hope that's okay. Anyway, this one is a doozy, but I hope you like the turn of events. They all will reach their realizations and regrets at different times in different ways, so I hope you will be excited about that! Thank you and happy reading!!


	10. Chapter 10

Jackie was dragging down the hem of her dress, smoothing the miniscule wrinkles. She checks her face one more time with a compact mirror, making sure her eyeliner was perfect and every eyelash was impeccable.

"What are you doing?" Steven said amused. Jackie was stopping every few seconds just to check on herself and brushing her hair with her fingers. She looked so nervous for no reason. Kitty loves everyone, so she doesn't have to worry about that. And she even tamed Red Foreman with her big blue eyes and sweet smile. The Foremans already fucking love her.

"Getting presentable for whatever this is!" The Foremans were used to feeding the kids if they need to. Red was always irritated at it but he couldn't push them away and Kitty was just too hospitable to let them go on an empty stomach. They were a naturally warm family. However, Jackie was right in not knowing what this was exactly. She always had dinner whenever the gang ate together. This was the first time Jackie was eating with the Foremans by herself.

She was so confused when Steven called her, saying Eric invited her to dinner. What was he thinking? They haven't even told Mrs. Foreman and Mr. Foreman yet! She came to this with the mood that she was getting introduced to the parents. As weird as Steven didn't want to admit, the Foremans were his family and she needed to make them feel that they both deserve each other. Steven shook his head and took her hand while they walked to the front door.

"You've been here a million times." Jackie scoffed, swinging their arms together. His hands were slightly cold, meaning he was nervous as well. His glasses were on his nose, hidng his emotions again. They didn't know what was coming, yet they chose to accept, if only to see Red and Kitty again. (and maybe they have decided to stop running away.)

She stopped them once more before the door and adjusted his shirt once again. Hyde came to pick her up with a button down and jeans, which is about how formal he get, so he must've thought this was special as well. Jackie smiled at him endearingly, touched that he was dressing up for her. She tip-toed to kiss him, so it would settle her nerves.

The door opened suddenly. Jackie pushed him away so harshly that it made Steven bend over in pain. She blushed, thinking that she didn't want to tell the Foremans this way.

It was Eric.

Eric's eyebrow was raised, his eyes glancing at Jackie's blushing face and Hyde's bend over position. He looked well, less tired than last time. Eric looked at Jackie and gave a small smirk.

"Did Hyde lose to a little girl?" Jackie's eyes watered with Eric's tone. It was the Eric she knew. He gave a smile that was mocking, but with no heat, just amusement. This was the Eric she wanted to believe has been with her all along.

"Shut your piehole, Foreman." Hyde frogged him before coming inside with Jackie in tow. Jackie laughed and let herself be pulled along. She glanced at Eric with a sparkle in her eyes and grinned.

"Hey Eric." Eric rolled his eyes and smiled with a tint to sadness in it. She wasn't sure what he was sad about. Yet, his eyes showed a warmth that only Eric can give.

"Hey Devil." It was like yesterday he would playfully scoff at her presence and then ask her about setting up his lego sets with him.

She always were so fast in putting the pieces together.

\-------------------------------------------------

" It was such a surprise to hear Eric say Jackie was coming over! But this works out so well as you haven't come over for some time." Kitty hugged Jackie warmly, making her smile in her warm, sweet embrace. Mrs. Foreman was always a loving person and she will always be thankful for her taking in Steven.

"Yes, I was just preoccupied with some things." Kitty smiled at Jackie and ushered her into a seat. Steven sat next to her, his hand already on her knee in a comforting squeeze. Eric sat across them, his expression not betraying whether he noticed the interaction.

"Are you fine?" Red said gruffly, glancing over at Jackie. Jackie looked at the veteran with a fondness that overflows whenever she sees him. Mr. Foreman always cares, despite his blatant show of annoyance at the kids who would come in as they see fit. He was a good hider when it comes to being sensitive and emotional. In contrast, Jackie was an expressive person who didn't understand the trouble to hide the wishes of something you want. After all, the one thing she had learned about her parents is that desires are one of many, but fleeting. This isn't a bad thing, but it is not essential.

She won't apologize for her emotions on her sleeve. This is just how she was, like how Steven's default mode was to hide behind his zen. Red never brushed off that part of her. He accepted it with a dismissal that moved her to tears because this wasn't a flaw to him.

("Kitty was the same as you when she was young. So emotional.")

Jackie understood why despite being so angry on the outisde, Mr. Foreman still softens under the presence of his wife who was never too old to treat her husband like a lover.

"Yes, I'm okay, Mr. Foreman." She hugs Red firmly who grunted and laid one hand over her back in response. Steven smiles from the back of his hand, thinking it was so stupid for her to worry about the Foremans being ackward about her. Kitty was never ackward to anyone and Jackie often had fun listening to the stories the mother was reminisce about, if only it was to laugh at Steven's antics when he was just a child picked up by a sweet lady and an angry man. Red was someone who appreciated Jackie's presence as she often looked so little, but sturdy in his eyes. A short kid who he found crying once in his garage, his own safe house when he wanted to be truly alone.

(They both have learned to share the space.)

"What's different with you kids?" Steven and Jackie shared a look that were frantically speaking a quick conversation on if the time was right or if they should wait a little longer. Red and Kitty had known their friendship for a while, but they have not assumed a relationship. They were open and understanding that their favorite kids (beside Eric) were harder and sadder than the others. They held heavy burdens and secrets that they knew they couldn't fix or attempt to ignore because they were lucky to raise a home that didn't afforded the same evils. They loved their son and daughter to hell and back and they knew the reality that some people didn't get that.

"They're together now." Jackie was astonished and maybe a little irked that Eric dismisses their secret so easily like that. Eric was eating and his tone was something used to describe the weather. Kitty was clapping enthuastically and hugging Steven, who laughed shakily before embracing her warmly. Steven and Jackie wondered what Eric was thinking, to decide before they did. Eric whispered something quietly, his head leaning against his palms with a whimsical expression. He appeared to have had a relevation where he didn't tell anyone and maybe it was something he understood because he was the one that realize it. Jackie wasn't even sure if she heard it right.

_And they are tired of pretending._

Dinner passed with a lively mood that influenced even Steven. Red seems to listen patiently to Kitty's questions and react appropiately when the time calls for it. Kitty was shaking in excitement and happiness for the couple, making her almost forget that she has been dating Kelso first. Maybe she was ignoring it to make Jackie better or she honestly thought it wasn't important.

Eric stood up, gathering the plates silently.

"No, sweetie! I can do it." Kitty stood up in protest. Eric shook his head and resumed cleaning the table.

"Mom, it's okay. I can wash the dishes this time."

"But--"

"I insist." Eric glanced at her. "Jackie, can you help me?"

Jackie was beside Eric who washes the dishes and gave her the dishes to rinse and put in the dish rack to dry. No one made a move to speak and only decided to focus on the task at hand. The rhythym was soothing and it reminded her of the many times she washed dishes with Kitty. Eric was surprised when Jackie made the initiative to ask whether to wash or to put away, like she was used to the task. Jackie didn't think she would be used te being domestic like the Foremans.

She was raised by a maid who comes in monday through friday in the daytime and leaves at night. She was used to having someone do everything for and no one thought to say that this wasn't right. She couldn't do anything Steven asked when he said that he needed to do the chores before going to the mall.

(She cried when she didn't know the difference between detergent and fabric softener.)

Jackie cried harder when he was patient to teach her everything even if on that day, they didn't had the time for the mall and he spent the day doing chores that should've taken a few hours.

She didn't know that Hyde felt a chill that day. He looked at the princess who was ignorant to the world, a lamb to a pack of wolves that were sure to tear her down if there was a chance. Jackie was helpless and she knew it, but she didn't had anyone to teach her and Hyde's skin still burns when he thinks that no one had the thought to try.

The dishes clattered slightly when placed side by side on the rack, her arrangement straight to recompensate for the silence that filled the kitchen. The noises of laughter and conversation streamed from the living room, there but soon forgotten.

"Is he happy?" Jackie turned to hear the words from Eric's mouth. She strained to make sense of it, doubting if they were the right words. Eric gave her the last dish. His eyes were gentle and understanding like he already knew the answer to his own question, but he wanted to make sure anyway.

"Yeah." Jackie's eyes were burning, focusing on rinsing the last dish. She didn't want to look at him. She knew she was going to cry if she did. Jackie always said that she didn't mind if she was emotional. She didn't had the right to deny what she was because that used to be all she had. When the world aims to bring her down to the lowest low, her emotions were the ones that didn't fail her. They give her the righteous pain she feels when faced with an enemy and helpless sorrow when she can't control the events of her own life.

At times, Jackie would think that it was a weakness because the burden can accumulate to a backbreaking weight and sometimes, it _hurts to even move_. Jackie thinks no one can handle this burden like she does. Steven came along and experienced the same pains with his own philosophy, a thinking in contrast with hers. He didn't want to feel those emotions at all and he made it his damn mission to not let anyone see a sliver of vulnerability. She admires the mask that he dons with such precision and expertise.

Steven looked at emotions as a weapon, like it can kill a person the same as with a knife. He didn't like the comfort of his feelings because it was fleeting and requires an adrenaline that he wasn't prepared for. Yet, he liked the feelings that Jackie shows without hesitation. He thinks she was much braver than him when it comes to letting the feelings overwhelm you for a moment and not give a damn of who knows. Jackie cries at how Steven views the heart on her sleeve as a strength than a flaw that people mocks her for.

Eric scratches the side of his face nervously before placing his hands at both sides of her shoulders, making her look up at him. He looks determined but unsure, like he didn't know if he deserved to say the next words, to have a second chance to wish them well. Eric stared at Jackie with a realization that she was trying to be zen, but failing.

Eric smiles at this girl who makes his oldest friend so very _happy_. Hyde was head over heels for this woman and he feels like he is a asshole for not noticing when they were so obvious. Jackie smiles a little wider at Hyde and her eyes softened a tad more than when she was dating Kelso. Hyde's eyes lit up when Jackie links her fingers with his under the table and he understands little things that Eric felt certain that this was more than just a fling . The couple was so unexpected that it looked unnatural at first glance. Yet, he thinks that this was supposed to not be easy for them and even harder for everyone else. This pairing was difficult and rocky and the funny thing was that it made him accept the relationship easier.

Of course, he had many questions. He wondered how long they hid them not hating each other or when they realized that they were pretending to be something they weren't. He wondered if they knew they never hated each other. Sure, Jackie and Hyde were opposites, but Jackie wasn't someone to be treated harshly. Hyde was the first to establish that. The minute Jackie walked in with Kelso, Hyde scowled and Eric realized that Hyde maybe wasn't frowning at Jackie, but at the fact that she was dating a child who was going to hurt her many times over. Hyde never stopped her from hugging him when she was sad, never denied dropping her off at home when Kelso couldn't and refused her money when he didn't need it. Hyde may have disliked Jackie in the beginning, but _he never mistreated her_.

He wondered when Kitty and Red treated Jackie as a honorary daughter-in-law and when he treated her as someone like a sister. He wondered when he stopped thinking of Jackie as an afterthought. Instead of getting five beers, he gets six. In school, Eric waves at Jackie when they passed each other.

"Treat my brother well, okay?" Eric smiles endearingly when Jackie sniffles immediately. Jackie hugged him tighly, her tears making a wet spot on his button-down shirt. His hands made way to her back, rubbing them lightly so she can let it all out. He closed his eyes and felt himself relax after a long time. He accepted the truth that he hid from even himself.

"Be happy. You are always welcome in this house." Eric felt a little nod in his chest. He noticed a shadow in the corner of his eye, waiting at the bottom steps of the stairs. He recognized the curly hairstyle, his back turned the other side, his arms crossed patiently. He sighed with a smile, thinking he should've known that Hyde was going to check on them. He was worried, something Hyde never stopped doing with the people he cared about.

"I missed you." Eric felt a warmth coming from his chest, thankful that Jackie does remember him fondly. It made the betrayal he commited much harsher and the shame he feels much bigger. Yet, he accepted his regrets in stride because he didn't want to forget what he did.

He will atone for the rest of his life. (He will tease them endlessly because that is his right as a friend.)

He will watch them fall apart and come back together, like any couple does. (He notices their stubborness as well as their willingness to compromise with each other.)

He will understand in time that they were very similar people who shared secrets that he couldn't even imagine nor dare tried. ( They were anything but frivolous toward each other.)

"I missed you too, devil." _Eric had missed his friends, indeed._

\-----------------------------------------------------

Hyde was tapping his leg repeatedly against the ground while listening a bit impatiently to Kitty's excited ramblings. She was planning a double-date that was sure to be difficult to say no to because he knows that he is a damn softie for this mother. His ear was half-listening to Kitty and to the hushed chatter behind the kitchen door. It was unerving to know that Jackie was literally steps away from him, alone with Eric, who was so sure this relationship was shallow. He stood up at that moment, refusing to leave Jackie for even a moment.

Yet, she stared resolutely at him, her eyes unblinking. _I will be fine._

He sat grudgingly, knowing Jackie can fight her own battles. He understood because he liked fighting his own monsters as well. It was uncomfortable to hope for someone to fix a wound that would never heal completely. He would rather take the needle for his own stiches and take them out, gritting in pain all the way. Yet, he is slowly coping.

One day, he wishes to rely on someone, to have his traumas exposed and not given a band-aid, but a salve. (She wishes for one day as well.)

"Leave the boy alone, Kitty." Red said finally. Hyde restrained to let out a relieved sigh of the end to this conversation.

"It's fine, Mr. Foreman."

"No, we have taken your time long enough. Just go and make sure to drop off Jackie." Red waved him away impatiently and stood up, taking Kitty by the hand. Hyde looks at Red whose glare were blatant in its intention. _Fix it._

"Will do, sir." 

\----------------------------------------

Hyde's fists leaned against his forehead while sitting on the steps to the basement. The conversation between his girlfriend and best friend was over and he was left to stew over in the feelings that remained.

He remembers the first time he met Foreman. They were young and he was a sucker for a free quarter. He was pulled in by a Kitty that was so unlike his Edna and he was confused with a Red who had stayed unlike his Bud. Eric admired the Hyde who didn't care who he pissed off and the calm exterior when faced with stressful situations. It made him not want to betray the image he gave because he liked to be respected by Foreman. Yet, he felt this little throb when Foreman thought he was so cool to have parents that weren't so on his back like the Foremans.

Because he wouldn't be able to handle the childhood he experienced. It was a time of hands that chose to bury into broken glass for discarded dollars and left-over change. It was a time when winters were so cold when light and gas turned off because they couldn't afford the bills some days. It was a life when wounds were common and insults were to help you become stronger. Eric wouldn't know how to handle a time when tears felt like you were losing and whining wouldn't feed you or keep you warm.

Yet, he would never want anyone to experience what he had. It was a cruelty that weren't deserved, but just happened. He will never let himself lose in the moment to wish for anything less than a hard life on someone else.

He also knew how life can be so painful that one can't help but think evil thoughts. It was something that often tempted him, but he gritted his teeth so hard that his lips would bleed. His fists would clench so hard that it would mark bloody half-moons in his palms.

(Pain was something that he was used to, but the feeling never stops being unpleasant.)

He has never been so grateful that he had endured his Edna Hyde. He will forever be glad that he had met Eric. Eric can never imagine what living as Steven Hyde means, but he will never condemn it. Eric was raised by parents that truly loved him and they had never stopped loving each other.

Eric's childhood has truly shaped the person he was now. It had made him a person who wanted Hyde to be happy and live well. It had made him understand what made Jackie so fragile and hell-blazing at the same time, that it made her someone that Hyde can't help but treasure. Eric loves Hyde and he even loves Jackie. He was someone that loves and wish for the happiness of others.

Eric didn't know how much it meant to him. His kindness was something he didn't want if he couldn't accept Jackie, but something Hyde _desires so much_ because he is the closest person he has. So when he recieves it, his tears fell like gentle rain.

Hyde feels tears dripping down his face, his back hunched back towards the ground. Gentle hands rubbed his back before wrapping around his waist, her head against his back. He was a little embarassed at being found out, but he didn't find the energy to care. He turned around to stare at Jackie's face who smiled softly at his tearful face. Her fingers brushed off the salt water from his eyes and her lips kissed him gently on his brow.

She leaned in to hug him around the shoulders and Hyde accepted her eagerly. He breathed in her vanilla smell and feels Eric's eyes on him. It was resolute, but not imposing.

His shoulders feel lighter and it was a feeling he haven't felt for the longest time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG this chapter took so long to write!! I hope you guys like the redemption of Eric's character in this chapter~ I added in a mix of angst and fluff with a little more insight in Hyde's childhood situation, so I hope you like my interpretation of it. I am leading to a climatic scene, so I hope you stay tuned for that!! I'm sorry about how long this update I took, but I can't promise it won't happen again T.T BUT I ASSURE YOU I DIDN'T GIVE UP ON FINISHING THIS STORY!! 
> 
> Thank you for kudos and commments!! I really love the feedback you give~~


	11. Chapter 11

"I regret everything I've said." Eric was lying on the couch, flipping through the channels on the TV. He was bored out of his mind, but he was also disturbed.

"Oh shut up Eric, you don't mean it!" Jackie snapped while leaning against Steven's side. Steven was sitting in his usual chair and Jackie sits on his lap readily. Steven's arms were placed on her waist to support her position. Eric rolls his eyes and pointed the remote at the couple.

"Oh Jackie, I meant every word I've said."

"Get off it, man. You can't take it back." Hyde joked with Jackie, who rolled her eyes. Hyde was having immense fun in making Eric uncomfortable and it was so working. Jackie knew it, but she didn't say anything. It's been a while since Hyde had interacted with anyone other than her and Leo and she knew he missed it. He missed teasing his friends and making them wholly miserable.

"I said ok to this, but I didn't say ok to the numerous make-outs and cuddling and-- don't even get me started about how disgusting your conversations are." Eric shuddered with disgust.

"What do you mean?" Jackie had to stifle a laugh at Steven's deadpan reply. He sounded oblivious when he obviously knows what Eric is talking about. She shook her head at how stupid boys can be.

"Hyde, you literally asked for a quickie in front of me." Jackie remembers and she smacked him in the back of his head.

"So what?"

"Now. You said now. _Right here._ " Eric repeatedly pointed at the floor of the basement. His face was exasperated, desperate to explain the problem. Steven broke out in laughter and Jackie chuckled slightly to his grin. Eric sighed with resignation and rolled his eyes, but he also couldn't stop his smile.

This morning, it was one of the few days that Hyde decided to stay in. Eric startled when he saw Hyde sitting in the couch, flipping through the channels. He looked behind him and to the couch again, thinking he was seeing wrong. He rubbed his eyes with his fists to make sure it wasn't an illusion. Hyde noticed Eric a while ago and raised an eyebrow at his actions.

"What are you doing, Foreman?" Eric stared at Hyde with wide eyes like a deer at a headlight.

"Nothing." He went to the fridge, taking two pops out. He gave Hyde the second pop before opening his own. Hyde took it gratefully before deciding to stop on just a random channel. He leaned against his chair and watched the TV quietly. Eric glanced at him and thinks it has been a long time since he saw Hyde just relaxing in the basement. Eric and the gang knew he has been avoiding the basement since then and he never came back until late at night. Usually, he returns when everyone leaves and even if they tried to stay longer, they realized that waiting up on him was useless. He doesn't spare a glance at them when he comes through the back door.

His message was loud and clear. _Leave me alone._

"Where's Jackie?" Eric was curious. Hyde was glancing at the door too often for it to not be a coincidence. He's waiting for someone.

"She's coming." His expressions was aloof, but his fingers tapped his arms repeatedly, impatiently. Eric knew enough to know he was missing his little princess.

Eric nodded in affirmation and sat in the couch, if only to have a glimpse of what he missed and ignored in the past week.

"Are they coming?" Hyde knew why Eric was surprised why he is here. He is usually gone, leaving before the gang had anything to say. It didn't mean they never tried and Donna was unsurprisingly the persistent one. It looks like he was abandoning them, she said. We want to say sorry, they said.

He stared, like really stared at them. He was disappointed with what he saw. Donna didn't seem to know what she did wrong. Her expression was too matter-of-fact because if she knew what she did, she wouldn't feel righteous nor worry around the wrong things. Donna wanted him to not abandon them, but what he wanted to ask was are they abandoning her? They don't have the right to want him back when they don't even dare to understand why he chose Jackie before them.

_He didn't mean it._ What does that mean? Hyde knows cheating has intention, even if they didn't mean to hurt someone. Jackie didn't deserve to have someone cheat on her, not when her parents were never faithful to their own. Kelso chose this shameful path and it doesn't matter how long he known him, how many secrets they shared, or the memories they accumulated. It doesn't fault what he did.

They have to stop spoiling Kelso, thinking we would choose him over any horrible actions he has done. He refuses to think that now after Jackie.

_How can you date Jackie?_ This annoys him because it sounds like they don't think they deserve her. Why must he explain his reasons when it's not even complicated? He hated Donna's accusative eyes, her mouth ready to spew painful shards into his very being. Donna was angry that he dared to hold hands with someone who belonged to someone else.

Yet what Donna dared to think was that Jackie belongs to Kelso. She doesn't belong to anyone, not even him. Did they think that was all Jackie was? She's a beautiful doll, something to look at, but not to think about?

They couldn't be more wrong.

Did they know she can change a tire and hot wire a car? Did they know that she is hesitant to eat because her mother's incessant meddling? Did they know that her heart is so beautiful but scarred? _Do they not see him in her?_

_I thought you hated her._ (Yeah, I thought I can hate her too.)

Yet, when Hyde found a reason to not dislike her, it just became harder to not know what Jackie is. He kept seeing little pieces of himself inside her and they both knew she felt the same. It was relieving and heartbreaking at the same time. When Hyde stares at her, her figure mirrors his when he thought there was nothing to call his own and he had nothing to crave for. She exposes the pathetic person he was hiding so desperately all his life.

Yet, Hyde loved that it was only her that knew this about him. She was just as broken as him and like a child, he desperately glued the pieces they had left to make something whole. It was a clumsy project and the shards were so crudely put together, but he was proud. 

He was proud to finally have something that he felt was his own. He had the right to hold her, kiss her, and make each other say their names until the both fall asleep. They don't know how long he waited and they don't know how desperately he starved for human touch.

"Donna is busy, but she should be back in the late afternoon. I don't know about Kelso and Fez." Hyde nodded behind his shades and ignored the tension that he started.

"You know you have to talk to them too. They're your friends.", Eric said slowly, not wanting to poke the bear. Hyde grunted to let Eric that he's listening.

"I know."

"They'll understan-" Hyde snapped.

"That's not true." Hyde closes his eyes, not wanting to seem too harsh to Eric. His feelings were still red-hot and he's scared he won't get over it. He didn't know how to even start with Kelso. He wasn't sure he can get through to him and he wasn't sure he would understand. Fez was just a bystander and he understood why his loyalty had to align with the bigger side. And Donna was the hardest to come through. Her heart was easier to anguish and her mind was hard to forgive. (even if this wasn't something to even forgive.) She would raise her fists for the sake of justice despite whether the justice was correct. Yet, Hyde won't waver nor would he flinch. The one and only thing Hyde learned from Edna was that he _wouldn't blink at the sight of a woman's anger_. "They won't forgive so easily. They don't understand why yet."

"You don't know that." Hyde glanced at the door to make sure that Jackie hasn't even entered the driveway yet. Hyde had his hands at his knees, his back bent over to symbolize a secret that was painful yet not worth hiding.

"The truth is if I had to abandon you, then that was it. I would've done it."Eric didn't respond with a reply, not even a movement. Hyde couldn't stop. He sees Jackie behind his eyelids, a future that he wished with all his being to never happen, to never occur. He cursed a future where Jackie were heartbroken, in misery, broken. If he wished for such events to never occur, he wished for it to never be because of him. This fear would try to pull him down into the darkest depths and would keep him grounded all his life. He knew it would not go away until he ceases to exist. "Jackie was the one that didn't want me to choose. And, it is suffocating to know that she's just spoiling me."

Eric feels this persistent feeling that recurred as he interacted with Jackie and Hyde together. It wasn't an itch that he had to scratch nor a scab that formed from a wound. The way they slotted against each other was fascinating and he felt like he wouldn't never get tired of it. Despite their teasing and little fights, they were not frivolous with each other and they faced each other so honestly, so raw because they chose to live like they didn't had a choice.

He couldn't help but compare their relationship with his own. Donna and Eric were a couple that everyone predicted down the line. It was a girl-next-door situation. Yet they fought so much and he thinks that it was just normal to believe it was his own fault.

Hyde and Jackie was different. Hyde and Jackie fought much more than one would think. It just wasn't easy to see nor was it too long to notice. The couple fought with everything they had. He saw it when they were at the dinner table, their eyes staring with such defiance and stubbornness he couldn't help but not forget. He saw it when Hyde wanted to drop her off and Jackie said she was fine and their comebacks just didn't seem to end.

He thought it was a ticking time bomb. Then, he realized that while there were many fights, there were never a lack of compromises. Their arguments were never unreasonable nor were they unsound. They always had the intention to explain why they disagreed, to never take the the fact they cared for granted.

Eric thinks when was the last time he fought with Donna because they cared rather than to prove the other one was right.

This relationship was so unlike his own. Yet, he prays there was never a future that they had to disappear. He prayed for them to be together for as long as they had because they made each other so happy. While he watches Jackie hugging Hyde with her small frame, their eyes downcast and their smiles mirroring each other, Eric thinks they were nothing short of _beautiful_. It was hard to imagine them without thinking of the other one in mind.

"Let's hope you never have to make that choice."

Like almost magic, Jackie arrived with a wide smile and a playful wink, oblivious to the conversation between the two brothers. They both had to smile at her exuberant energy.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

"What are they doing here?" Eric froze while arguing with Jackie about the latest action figure and the newest movie about Star wars coming out. Hyde and Jackie stiffened like they committed a crime and they were finally caught.

Donna was frowning, her hands clenched at both sides. She glared at the picture like it offended her. Hyde's glasses were off and his arms was wrapped around Jackie like it was meant to be there. Jackie was still in Hyde's personal bubble, but she was joking with Eric with a playful roll of her eyes. Eric was laughing and bending over the couple, seemingly having a warm conversation.

"Donna--" Eric was the first to placate the rising tension. Donna didn't listen.

"What are they doing here?" Hyde frowned, his eyes keeping steady with hers. Donna hated and admired that he never was afraid of her. He didn't mind her strength nor her feminist personality. (She didn't know that Hyde saw a little of Edna in her.)

Hyde never seemed to be easily attracted towards the pretty and innocent. It was what made him the most respected in the group, besides Eric. Jackie was someone everyone decided as off-limits. So, it was a surprise to see that Hyde came out of his room, hell-blazing with Jackie in his grasp. She couldn't believe what came out of his mouth as he snarled that he was okay with taking Jackie away if she wasn't wanted. That he wanted Jackie.

"We are just hanging out. What's it to you, Big Red?"

Was Hyde the same as everyone else then? Did they want a pretty girl on their arm, something to have and boast of having? Donna thinks of the time when Hyde came to her, asking if she wanted to be with him. She was furious about it because he thought she was something to have, to possess. She tried to forget it because he was Eric's best friend.

She tried to forget it because he was her friend.

"When did we allow you coming in here and pretending everything is just fine?" Hyde's blue eyes were so cold it left a shiver down her spine. He had no expression, as if he was saying she wasn't even worth it to scowl or frown upon.

"Steven , let's just go." Donna looked at Jackie, who was slowly pulling Hyde up and towards the stairs. She glances at Donna and looked away quickly, only focusing on her boyfriend. Jackie was wearing a goddamn dress that made her even more small and doll-like. Jackie was the total opposite of Donna.

She was a believer of romance. (Jackie believed in caring for someone.)

She valued fashion and appearances of all else. (She loved looking the best for herself and everyone else can just fuck off.)

She hated hard work. (She decided to work when her parents finally found out about Hyde and threatened to take her cards away. Like it was a deal-breaker.)

She was shallow. (Jackie was changing.)

"When are you going to stop being the female stereotype?" Jackie flinched like she was slapped and Donna felt this evil feeling of smugness. This time, Jackie had no shame in looking straight at her. There were no crocodile tears and only silence from her and it just serves to make Donna uneasy.

Donna didn't know who she was provoking. It wasn't Jackie she was pissing off, but it was Hyde. Hyde was livid and Jackie's clenched fists to his shirts, stretching the material, was the only signal to urge him to calm down, to let her vent, and to be better than snap without a cause. Yet, Hyde was tired of waiting and he was tired of fighting against someone who didn't want to listen.

"For someone who claims to be an activist, you're acting like a real shallow bitch." Jackie pinches him from behind and he knew he was tip-toeing on the line. Donna's eyes were wide-eyed, shocked at how hostile those words were. Then, it become total rage.

"And don't even make you started on you. Have you always been this person? You've willing to do whatever it takes to steal what doesn't belong to you!" Jackie's eyes lit up and scowled at Donna.

She knew Donna was hurting. She thinks she never seen Steven really mad unlike her. Jackie had seen Steven angry though it was never directed at her. Steven had been angry at that mystery guy who was following her at night. Steven had been angry at the adults that thought they were better than teenagers and even thinks to abandon the children they had brought into this world. Steven's anger was cold and unfeeling and sometimes there was grieving underneath it all. Donna didn't know Steven was hurt, but his eyes were glaring as if to say are you done?

Jackie wasn't sure about how Steven felt for Donna back then and she still feels the slight burn of jealousy when she is faced with this fact. However, she knew Steven was serious towards Donna because Steven _tried_. Donna didn't notice the shaking of Hyde's fingers when he gave her that gift on Christmas. Donna didn't know that Steven regretted the kiss they had in the cabin because he wanted it to be natural, to be wanted. Donna didn't notice the courage he had to take to go to their dinner and ask what she wanted. Donna didn't know Steven walked in the streets alone back home, if only to think and to accept he wouldn't love anyone else.

Steven wasn't Donna's fated one, but Steven's crime that Donna supposedly declared was to hope that he was. And that was something Jackie couldn't let her walk over.

"Steven is not like that! He is--"

"And you! Would you open your legs for anyone who shows interest--" Donna couldn't even finish her statement when she was roughly pushed behind Eric. She was confused to see Eric's shirt pulled by Hyde, whose expression was furious.

She blinked owlishly, realizing that Hyde was aiming at her. His eyes, usually a cool blue, were a stormy grey. His expression was downright murderous. Hyde was _angry_ and _it was her fault._

Jackie was behind Hyde, pulling him firmly to her. Her face was frantic, but worried.

"Stop it, Hyde." Eric was firm, pushing Hyde at the chest to stop him from doing he was going to regret. Eric knew Hyde can push him down if he wanted, but he knew Hyde needed the restriction. He needed the pull from both sides to remind him that he isn't the son of Edna and Bud.

He is Kitty and Red's. (Kitty pretends that Hyde's a tough guy and Red pretends he doesn't notice a missing beer or two.)

He is Eric's brother. (Eric will always remember the bath incident that cemented their relationship from then on.)

He is Jackie's pudding pop. (He can't forget Jackie's smile every time he's with her, like he was a blessing.)

What the _fuck_ does Donna think she is? He attempted to calm down the anger that built up so easily when someone was being damn stupid. He remembers who Jackie is and the daggers that Donna threw were low-blow and not deserving.

Jackie likes reading romance novels and glitter since the day everyone met her. It was typical and maybe it was a bit annoying, but he doesn't believe that Jackie wouldn't be who she is without loving those things. They could be superficial and girly, but she is also someone that loves caring for others. She loves stuffed animals and flowers, but she also loves making him happy. She hates working and heavy lifting, but she also refuses to lose to anyone who dares to tell her she can't date Steven Hyde.

"Go walk with Jackie and cool off." Eric knows that it hurts. Steven's eyes were furious, but it was in pain as well. Hyde says nothing and it was just silence in the basement. Jackie whispers Steven's name repeatedly in hopes he listens. Eric locks eyes with Jackie, giving her a message.

_Take care of him._

Jackie nods silently and pulls Hyde more persistently towards the door. Hyde softens under her guidance and lets her take him by the hand out the door. Donna and Eric stays behind, the only ones left in the basement.

Donna feels a silence that made her feel like she was in trouble. Eric finally turned to her and she flinched at the frown he had on his face.

"Eric--"

"Do you really think that about Jackie? Hyde?" His voice was harsh and a bit pained.

"P-please let me explain--I-I-I didn't mean it like that--" She stuttered, trying to explain her reasons, her feelings. Eric sighed and rubbed the back of his head in slight irritation.

"Hyde never did it with Jackie when she was dating Kelso. They were friends that just happened. It was never their intention, but they happened. Kelso was the one that cheated and said he was going to break up with Jackie. I'm not going to act that he didn't had it coming." When did Eric support this? It was like the day when they were shocked out of their minds didn't exist. She didn't like the fact that she was being the bad guy.

"And you believe them?" Eric glared at Donna, his eyes full of disbelief.

"Look at them, Donna!"

"His eyes soften so much around her." Donna wants to ignore the fact that she made Hyde, the coolest person in the gang, give her the coldest eyes she had ever seen. They didn't look overwhelmingly angry or crazed. Yet, it made her feel so guilty, like any reason she had wouldn't be on par of what she did.

But then, Jackie looks at Hyde for a moment and he just melts. He never looked at anyone like that before, not even her when he confessed his feelings. It was a look that says she was his own world.

"Jackie smiles more easily with him."

Jackie were always so easy to be angry and insecure. She worries endlessly about what people were thinking of her and she hated when people disagreed with her. She smiles often when they were together. Hyde somehow makes that same smile sparkle a bit more.

Yet, she didn't want to believe in their relationship. They treasured each other so much that it made her wonder why Hyde would even think to intrude in hers. She purely believes that he didn't ask her out because he loved her. He just wanted to sleep with her and be done with it. He never liked commitment and she didn't think that was what he wanted from her.

(Donna refused to believe in Hyde's feelings.)

Eric sighed, stepping away from her. It made her uneasy to think that they were taking opposite sides. Yet, his eyes made her feel like she was on the wrong side. It was heartbreaking and firm, unlike the usual times when he just listens to her words.

"What are we blaming them for, Donna? That they became friends-- that they are together-- that they like each other?" Eric's eyes were clear, telling her he was serious. There was no room for doubt.

Even for her.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hyde's blood was boiling and he feels a pit forming deep in his stomach. He wanted to hurt. He wanted to burn. He was also sick with himself that he dared to think he wanted to squeeze Donna between his fingers. He felt the little voice in his head repeating dark fears within himself.

_You have dirty blood._ He remembers the bruises and the burning hatred he feels while he glares at the newest lover of Edna's. He hears the laughter of a frivolous man and the silence of a neglectful mother. He curses the dirty blood of his parents that flows through his veins, but he is at awe of the people that cares about him despite this dirty blood.

_The apple doesn't fall far from the tree._ He fears to be like his parents. There was always be a sinking thought that he can still ruin everything he cares about. He will never forget a possible future where he is alone.

_You will hurt her._ He dreams nightmares where he hurts Jackie and her face is just stricken with fear. Every time, he wakes up in a cold sweat and his heartbeat beating loud in his chest. He clenches his tank with his hands so tightly to make sure he was dreaming, that him hurting her wasn't real. He breathes heavily in the night, letting his fears remind him of what he must never let himself be.

He feels the hands encasing his squeeze tighter and he feels the coldness leaving him. He reminds himself that Jackie is with him, walking along the street, aimlessly. The car was abandoned and Jackie didn't choose to remind him that she needs to leave soon.

"Am I worth it?" Hyde's eyes snapped back to Jackie's solemn expression. He felt the coldest chill down his back and he thinks back to the dreams where Jackie leaves him. He wanted to immediately reply with an affirmation, but his throat closed. He was so so used to watching people leave and no one thought to stay for him. He doesn't know how to hold on to something that was truly his.

"You are losing your friends, your place in the basement, and there will always be people disproving of our relationship. My parents will hurt you surely with their biting words and sharp remarks. I even may lose my queen bee status in school." With every word she says, Hyde's heart feels heavier and his hands start shaking. Hyde feels myself sinking back into a dark place, his thoughts circling around his head. He knew Jackie had the right to the perfect future that he had to give up long ago. It hurts to acknowledge that it was so easy to imagine Jackie with a rich man, living in a mansion, and taking care of kids she would surely love. He can even envision Jackie with a successful career because he knows Jackie is more than picturesque happiness.

Yet he doesn't want to let her go. He realized while being with Jackie, his love was heavy and his cowardice is real. He wasn't ready to give her the commitment of marriage nor even think about children. That wasn't the man he was. He can't think of the future so easily when his life always revolved around just surviving.

He is incapable of doing the simplest gestures. He can't even say _I love you._

His hand reached out to grip his face and his face grimaced at his lack of words. He feels pathetic. He feels helpless. He feels _so unsure._

"But I don't care." Hyde looks up at Jackie in surprise. She gave a calm smile at him and she laid her hands on both sides of his face. She gave him a gentle kiss on his forehead and his arms wound around her side, picking her up from the floor. Jackie squealed in surprise and gripped his shoulders to ensure she doesn't fall. Her laugh was music to his ears.

"I'm going to fight for you because I love you." Jackie's eyes was warm, but she also requested for understanding because like her, the gang loved Hyde as well. They are hurt and they are confused. "But I'm not the only one that cares about you." She rolled her eyes at the snort and slapped his shoulders roughly to let her down. 

"You need to listen too. We are going to go back and fight for each other, you hear me?" She raised her eyebrow, daring him to refute. Hyde sighed and nodded with a roll of his eyes.

"This is none of their damn business." Jackie hears him mutter under his breath and her hand is swallowed by his as they slowly head back to the Foreman home. Jackie knew this was the closest to a agreement she'll ever get from Steven.

She'll take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm apologize profusely at the slow updates! Luckily, the chapters seems to be getting longer as I have so much to write. I admit this chapter is a little bland, but I hope it is still interesting nonetheless. It became less climatic as I hoped and there will be more drama coming (~the confrontation of Donna and Hyde~)! Thank you for the comments and kudos. They really do make my day and I love reading each and every one!! I'm not sure when my next update is, but please stay tuned!! 
> 
> Happy Reading!! (And of course, Happy Holidays!!)


	12. Chapter 12

"I'll be fine, Steven." Jackie repeated for the last time, but she can feel her patience wearing thin. They both decided that Steven needed to talk to Donna alone, so she decided to hang at the mall. She was perfectly fine going by herself, but Steven requested that someone should be with her only for the sake that he didn't want her to be alone. Jackie rolled her eyes and tried to reject his idea because she had gone shopping by herself before.

Yet, Steven was firm and stubborn about it. In the end, they decided that Eric would accompany her and luckily, Eric agreed. Now, Jackie was in the drive-way and Steven was seeing her off with the biggest glare she had ever seen. She knew Steven was just nervous. He hates confrontation and personally, he hates talking. Words don't come easy to him and she learned to accept it because that's who Steven was.

She smiles softy, touching the glaring lines until they settled to just a simmer. Jackie realized that when it comes to serious conversations, he makes the most helpless expression. Jackie sighs and kisses him on the forehead as a good-luck charm. Just for good measure, she makes a faux smile by stretching his lips to a grin. Like she hoped, Steven softens and she thinks for now, he's going to be okay.

Because all she can do is believe in him.

Eric was waiting by the cruiser, ready to go. He leans against the door and watches their gentle conversation. He stifles a laugh at Hyde's stiff expression, thinking it was hilarious. And then like magic, he also watches how Jackie makes that expression just melt away. Eventually, Jackie comes in the passenger seat of the cruiser with an energetic smile.

"Finally! I was thinking I had to go without you."Jackie scowls and sticks her tongue out in his direction. She turned on the radio, stopping when she heard Abba.

"Shut up, nerd! You are lucky to be hanging out with me at all." Eric's eyes twitched, feeling the change in treatment was so big. Yet, he thinks he wouldn't be able to handle a Jackie being sweet to him all the time. He couldn't suppress a shiver when he imagined it.

"Sometimes, I can't even recognize Hyde when he's with you." Eric mutters without thinking. He sees Jackie freeze and then, he blinks and she's back to normal, almost as if he saw wrong. She leans against the dashboard, humming to the lyrics. Eric thinks she didn't hear and he was fine with not repeating it.

"He thinks he doesn't deserve me." It was a matter of fact, sudden and it startled him more than anything. Jackie leaned back into the chair, looking at her nails absentmindedly. She sees it when he hesitates to reach out for her hand sometimes. She sees it when she notices that he stares at her like she's a dream. She sees it when he touches her so delicately yet so desperately that her skin becomes red in heated embarrassment.

When she met Steven, she felt like she learned something new in every interaction. Every time she learned something, she just obtained another reason to love him. She likened it to a child stacking up blocks and being in awe of how they stand tall, how they don't fall. It could've been simple as knowing that he secretly likes her girly blanket that she leaves in his room. It could've been small like naturally opening the door for her. The bigger ones she discovered gives her the smallest need to cry, to wonder how this feeling can make her feel so alive. The bigger ones taught her things too. She learns that Steven can't say I love you so easily. She notices how he avoids the words. He thinks that she is expecting it because Michael often says it when they were together. She says it often to him enough to know he never said it back yet.

Yet, the one thing Steven doesn't know is that she thinks she never would need to hear those words to know they were true. With Michael, it felt good to hear the words. It validated their relationship as something perfect, something safe. Michael said loving sweet words so easily to her that she didn't think to doubt him. Yet, when she said them to Hyde, Hyde couldn't do it so easily like he did. There was a nervousness in his stare and she felt a fear he didn't feel the same way.

Then, Steven said her name like a prayer and he gripped the sides of her face to kiss her gently on the forehead. She heard his whisper of a reply, a simple "me too". She noticed the avoidance and in a way, she expected herself to be angry, to be hurt. Yet, his eyes made her feel so loved and she just knew. She accepts that she may never hear those words so often as when she was with Michael. She learns that she didn't care.

She will never doubt that Steven didn't love her because he treates her with such gentleness that she know he loves her just as much. She doesn't stop saying it because while he can't repeat it back, his eyes brighten to hear it. This was enough to never stop as long as she can see that sparkle in his eyes.

Yet, while she loves Steven with all her soul, she thinks that sometimes he's so stupid. She doesn't have to hear the words come out of his mouth to know that he thinks she's going to leave. The real truth is she will never let him go. He doesn't know that she is afraid as well. She doesn't think she's the most precious thing that Steven believes because she had felt indifference and she had felt hidden resentment. She had felt loneliness from the people that was supposed to love her out of obligation. She craved for an unconditional love. Maybe that was why she was so obsessed with marriage.

In a way, she wanted something to bind him to her forever. She wanted a twisted confirmation that he wouldn't abandon her, but then she also didn't want to force anyone to stay with someone they did not love.

_I just wanted to say you were mine, that is all_ , she thinks so childishly.

"He's such a fool, isn't he?" Eric notices her smile and he is at awe of how her expression held so many emotions at one moment. Her question was something that didn't required an answer, but just something to think about when there's nothing to do. Eric thinks they both are clueless when it came to each other. Jackie looks listless and he can only assume that she's thinking about Steven. They both look at each other like they are their own world. Jackie sometimes look at Hyde in the corner of her eye and he notices a wistfulness to her gaze.

Jackie also looks at Hyde like he's a dream.

She also waits before reaching out to Hyde.

Eric sees it so there is no mistake. They love each other as if there is a time limit. He guess he understands it. Hyde chose to fall for someone at the wrong time and knowing him, he never planned to act upon them. Hyde was always someone who tend to let go of things. He was never someone to fight for someone that didn't want him in return. It was easier when it had to do with his friends, his family. It didn't make it less painful.

Eric knew. (He watched Hyde walk away in the street, with his hands deep in his pockets.)

Eric chose to held Donna's hand. (Hyde arrived later in night, at an hour that was almost morning, not exactly night. He wonders what he did while coming back home. He wonders if he resents him.)

Eric complied with Hyde's request. (The next morning, Hyde was at the kitchen table, joking him about his bed hair. Eric watches him in silence, hearing a request to ignore, to pretend. Time had passed to the extent that Hyde's feelings felt like a dream.)

The way they become together wasn't intentional nor was it planned. The way the treat each other was affectionate and a little bit guilty. Jackie and Hyde felt guilt that they liked being together because the reality was Jackie was Kelso's girlfriend first and maybe he will never really understand some things. He couldn't understand why they hid their relationship, showing their friendliness under closed doors. He tried to think of many reasons why Jackie remained with Kelso. Maybe she wasn't in love with Hyde until then. Maybe Jackie was afraid in tainting her reptutation.

No. He feels this increasing certainity that Jackie was just like Hyde. Jackie was ignoring those increasing feelings because it was believed to be "unatural and wrong". It wasn't so far off to even say that Jackie didn't think Hyde liked her. Maybe Jackie thought it was "right" to be with Kelso.

They were both ready to give up. They were both hoping that time would make their secret feelings fade and they were determined to make it work. Because he knew that, he couldn't blame them to want to be together after all. People believed Kelso was always going to cheat and Jackie wasn't ever going to be enough to make him stop. Eric did't think Kelso was Jackie's prince. Hyde wasn't a prince for her either, but he understood that he was what Jackie needed. Jackie needed someone to fight against her, to tell her when what she believed was incorrect and painful. Jackie deserved someone who loved her so much that it was unthinkable to see anyone else, someone who was just kind, but stern, someone who looks at her like she was the most beautiful thing in the world.

"When he makes me feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world." Jackie's words made Eric felt a heat under his neck as those words felt like a secret. It wasn't really meant to be shared so openly because it was said with affection. Their interactions always made him embarassed to witness, yet he couldn't look away. Jackie wasn't unaware of her worth either.

Hyde wanted to be with someone (even if it hurt when it was Donna). Donna wasn't that someone. Jackie wasn't meant to be that person either, but she turned out to be what he wanted. Eric notices that Hyde pretends to be annoyed at her incessant rambling, but listens with one ear open because that was what she deserves. Eric notices that Hyde lets Jackie lead him easily as long as she takes his hand. Hyde deserved someone who believed in his dreams, someone who was supportive and a fighter at the same time, someone who wanted to make him happy.

Eric notices that Jackie doesn't realize it.

Eric notices that Hyde doesn't realize it.

And knowing that, he thinks they're both love-sick fools.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hyde clenches his fists together, promising himself that he was going to do this sober. Yet, his fingers urged for a joint, so that he can release the building tension in his shoulders. He sighed, knowing what he's really missing is Jackie.

He calms himself, remembering that Jackie is fine and Eric is there to watch her. He's in front of the Pinicotti's door, preparing to knock and doing the fucking talk. He hated this with a passion, thinking people should just get over themselves and damn it if they can't accept it. They should just understand because they were friends and not doubt what his reasons were.

_I think she needs you to actually say it._ He remembers Jackie's words, reminding him that not everyone is like Eric. Eric is better at interpreting Hyde's emotional constipation because they are brothers.

He knocks, every sound like a loud hearbeat banging against his chest.

_You don't want to admit it, but you miss her too._ He holds onto those words. Jackie is right and she's always been right about these type of things, even if he hates it. Because before he looked at Donna like a girl, they were always friends. She was always that strong-headed girl that he admired when they were little. He can always trust her to have his back and he was the same.

Donna opens the door with surprise, not really believing he was standing in front of her. His hands were in his pockets, his eyes behind his trusting sunglasses.

"Can we talk?" Donna nodded, letting himself inside the house.

Hyde sits down on the dining table, knotting his hands together in one clenched fist. He feels out of his element and it irked him tremendously. Donna finally came in, silently giving him a glass of water. She sat across him and he nods as a thank you while he sips the water.

"I'm not here to apologize for blowing up on you because what you said was uncalled for. I'm here to help you understand my decisions." Donna nods stiffly, her eyebrow furrowed. Hyde knows it's not his job to cater to Donna's needs or to make her comfortable. It was Donna's decisions to call him names, to believe that his intentions weren't sincere, to ignore who he was after all this time. He will not bow so easily.

Donna was unnerved by Hyde's stance. He chose to leave his sunglasses on, meaning he was guarded. His posture was calm and even more so, unashamed. She decided to stick with an easier question, but important because she was clueless about how they even started.

"When did you like Jackie?"

"Since prom." Hyde's reply was curt, straight to the point. He sees no point in lying about when he first started liking Jackie. He refuses to be insincere about his relationship when faced with someone who was ignorant of his desires.

Donna pounced on the answer like a predator sensing a prey. She was surprised when Hyde admitted the answer so easily. She reminisces about the scene when Hyde walks in with Jackie on his arm. She didn't think it was significant because Hyde said he was roped into it because Jackie was depressed. She understood because Kelso was being a jackass, cheating with Pam Macy.

Yet, she attempts to remember before Jackie took Kelso back after he begged for forgiveness.

_Jackie laughs, leaning against Hyde while a slow song was playing. Hyde seems...happy._

"Were you aiming for her while she was with Kelso?" Hyde scoffed, banging against the table loudly. His expression was frustrated and a bit annoyed. The glass clattered against the table, teetering off the edge.

"Get bent, Pinicotti. I never dogged Kelso." Donna glared at him and _he didn't give a damn._

"Yet, you guys are together now."

_"He was supposed to treat her right."_ Hyde's fists was clenched so hard that it was white. Jackie was someone who was supposed to obtain happiness because she believed in it the most.

Yet, he believed that it wasn't him that can do it. It was not like he didn't think he can handle it nor that he didn't deserve it, but rather it was because he didn't believe she wanted him. He hated that part of himself that was a deadbeat parents' kid, but he was trained to believe that no one really wanted him. Edna made sure to remind him of that fact and despite him knowing it wasn't true, it was easier to just sink back to that default mindset.

So, he never thought he could be someone's person in the corner. But Jackie believed in Kelso so much that all he wanted to do was believe in him too. He wanted to believe Kelso was finally going to realize what he had. Because he refused to believe Jackie wasn't going to get her happily-ever-after ending.

"He wasn't suppose to be a nymphomaniac and sleep with every girl around."

"You told her about the cheating." Donna spoke up with a realizing clarity. She felt this increasing guilt that she never could bring herself to tell her about Kelso. When she heard about him cheating with Laurie, of all people, she was furious at Eric. She couldn't believe everyone chose to keep it a secret.

_Yet, why didn't you tell when Hyde could?_

"Of course. Did you ever think of what she would feel when she knows? To realize that we were just laughing behind her back while she was thinking Kelso changed." Donna notices the anguish in his tone. She felt defensive at his words, even if they weren't exactly directed at her.

_She didn't want to feel guily anymore._

"I didn't want to hurt her." She heard a growl like no other erupt within Hyde. His sunglasses were off, hooked on his t-shirt.

"Bullshit, Pinicotti. You chose your side when you kept it away from her." That is not true, Donna wanted to scream.

She can't unsee it.

Donna felt an out-of-body feeling when she hears the door slam with such ferocity it caused her to jump. Everyone was still, not sure of what they just witnessed. A Hyde who glared at his friends with the most disappointed glower. A Jackie who looked back with a pleading forgiveness, a wish that she heard wrong. Her eyes were red-rimmed, remnants of tears harshly wiped away.

She was _crying_.

Kelso was confused, then sad, then angry and he left adruptly, Fez following behind him in hopes of calming him down. Eric went upstairs with no word, an indication that he needed more time to come to terms of what happened. Donna remained alone, not quite ready to accept nor denying what had been done. Their actions had made herself felt sick, knowing she was not excluded.

She felt a crushing guilt that caused her to choke in a sob.

"Is that why you were trying to expose Kelso? Wasn't this all part of your elaborate plan?"

Hyde couldn't pretend this time. This time, he chose to left the half-opened box out in the open and let it rot. His intentions were blatant and held unhidden resentment. He didn't avoid them, making their actions much harsher and less willing to ignore. Every time they reached out, his eyes were unforgiving and he rejected their pleas, thinking they weren't enough. He wanted something more than an apology, she knows. Hyde wanted them to feel the pain, to know what they did was going to hurt them more than her.

_"What should I do?" Jackie was meticulously painting her finger nails with a deep red, blowing on them briefly to test the shade._

_"I'm not sure what you even see in that geek, honestly! He's nerdy and skinny and--"_

_"Do you have a point?" Donna rolls her eyes at this candid put-down of her boyfriend, but she's already used to it. Jackie playfully pushed at her shoulder with a fustrated scowl._

_"I'm getting there!" She looks at Donna's nails, seemingly satisfied with her work._

_"He's sweet. For him, I don't think he ever thought of anyone else but you. He's stupid now, but Eric's trying. To me, that's enough. " Donna was surprised at Jackie's insightful words. Jackie didn't seem deterred that she blurted out this compliment, only confidence in the truth of her thoughts. Jackie truly did believe in her words, stating them as if they were observations that only led to this conclusion._

_"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks Jackie." Jackie waved her off, shushing her with just a whatever motion. She already proceeded to do her hair, tying them in braids._

_"Gosh, what can you do without me?" Donna rolls at her over-the-top confidence, but she couldn't stop her grin. She leaned back slightly, reveling in the comfort of Jackie's fingers brushing through her hair._

_You hurt her._ She was your best friend. Sometimes, Jackie didn't listen to her, but she always apologized when she got too much. She was sometimes a little boy-crazy, but she always were so silly whenever she thinks (thought) of Kelso. She looks so love-sick that it was almost foolish, but she always looked happy. It never ended, only transferred to Hyde.

(The only difference was that Jackie never had to feel stupid because Hyde only ever looked at her.)

Donna knew that Jackie always thought of her as a friend. She even knows that despite their differences, Jackie never disliked her for it.

She miss her friend.

Donna missed her so much.

_"Fuck you. She was my friend too!"_ They were like wolves baring fangs at each other, out and ready for blood. None wanted to believe the other's words, yet they wished for reconcilation. However, Hyde was getting impatient and fustrated and so tired.

_"I don't fucking believe you."_ And his patience _snaps_.

"What do you want me to say? That I always were attracted to Jackie ever since I saw her? That I liked how she makes me feel because it made me feel like I didn't live in a fucked up world as long as she was in it? _That I love her so much!?_ " Donna felt like she was shocked back to the present. Hyde's eyes were wild, his expression set in unfettered emotion, as if his discovery was a salvation. There was relief in his eyes and she was confused of what is there to be relieved in knowing what you feel.

She didn't know that he never understood the reason to confirm each other's feelings so often. Hyde has always thought it was supposed to be hard to say the words because how can you not be afraid of letting people take a little bit of your heart each time? Yes, he was deathly terrified because he knew of the loneliness that came with rejection. But, he also feared that he can never say them. If he can never say them, then he was certain that he will be alone all his life. So when he hear himself say that he loves Jackie, he felt this relief that he can say them too. The fact that he says it means that he believes in his words as well.

He loves her so much. Oh, he was so relieved that this was true. 

Hyde--"

"I never believed for even a moment that she wanted to be with me and I never thought of even trying other than being her friend. She was the girl that I wasn't supposed to get. And I will live my life, knowing that I will never deserve her, but she still loves me anyway."

Donna looks at the hunched form of her closest friend. She notices his hands at the table and she watches them tremble. She wonders at what is there to be scared of, to be fearful to that extent that your hands shake at the thought of something being lost.

Donna remembers Jackie's words at the Hub.

_Why can't you see we are hurting?_

Ah. Jackie must be so precious to her childhood friend.

And all she is doing was blaming them for making her feel uncomfortable. She was being selfish because she couldn't understand what they became. Hyde was never one to care for her approval, so she knew this was important. This matter was everything to him because he loves her and he didn't want to lose her. Jackie was important to both of them, but she knew her feelings couldn't compare to his.

His feelings were ones of conviction and of restraint. He never reaches out for his desire so easily like everyone does. He was an ackward person who didn't know how to ask for what he wants. Donna realizes it slowly, but she never wants to verbalize them.

(It would bring back too many unpleasant memories.)

Once Jackie learns this, she accepts it eagerly and it never deters her from expressing her affection as easily as she did. Hyde had never felt more loved than ever before, her touch more gentle than he thought possible. He couldn't stop craving it once he got a taste. His desire to monopolize was obvious to even Donna. Donna watches how Hyde looks so peaceful in Jackie's gaze, using a strength not meant to harm, a control not suffocating, to keep her in his arms for a moment longer.

Hyde never plans to let her go.

(And she realizes that maybe she will never truly be forgiven.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG IM SO MF SLOW, BUT I DID IT! I can't believe this chapter took over a month, but I kept adding and erasing to it if I thought the flow was off, or too ackward. I was so sad that I had to cut some parts out, but it wasn't needed for the story and I think it disrupted the point that I wanted to make. But, maybe I might make extras once this story is completed LOL. I hope you guys are happy with this update and please feel free to comment and tell me your feelings about this chapter. 
> 
> For me, there are alot of fanfictions that have Donna as either an enemy or ally (still love them, of course!), so I wanted the relationship to be more ambigious, not too friendly, but not too hostile either. I wanted to emphasize that it is going to take time for Donna to regain that trust back, but I didn't want to cut her off completely. Humans are flawed beings and Donna is a perfect example of it. She is not inherently a bad person, but I wanted to expose the flaws she had (because the show didn't reveal them enough LOL). Plus, I wanted to see a little regret from her hehehe because everyone deserves to be exposed to Jackie-Hyde love.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I hope you like this! My brain has been wrapping around this idea for months and I'm finally going to share it with you. I'm going to be as compliant with the episodes as much as I can, but with my interpretation and tweaks. It's going to be a bit more jaded, more fustrating between the main couple (or else it would be too easy right?), and more real. 
> 
> Go easy on me. Not beta-read.


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